Monday, March 26, 2012

Addressed Concerns + Appreciation

Hey all,

I got a chance to read through all your very concerned comments. I've got to say, "I LOVE YOU". You're actually thinking about the aftermath, if there is an aftermath, what the consequences are, if this is good for me, how good this is for me etc.

A lotta concerns and joys. Nice. Thanks

To address a few concerns, I'm definitely not using this guy, that's for sure. I've met other guys since my previous crush but they didn't get my attention. Not only that, you'd remember that I mentioned not making use of guys I know are interested in me as distractions in one of my much older posts. I did that in 2010, to get over Mr. Ex, remember? it's just cruel!

This new guy is still NEW. I think we'd call him, "honey" I don't have to make sentences like, "this new guy is still NEW"

It's official, I really like him and I'm scared to let myself feel what I feel, I keep over thinking it. I called my mum up this morning, or rather she called me up and we were gisting about how I felt. It's sorta like I'm afraid to like, love, or whatever you might call it. I don't want to make a mistake or put myself in a situation where I get hurt.

I'm guessing to crush, is to take up a challenge on the possibilites of whatever might evolve...but...I don't want to allow myself to feel exposed.

I've taken it to GOD several times and it's going to be a daily prayer as it has always been.

Unlike my immediate ex crush. He has already expressed how he feels, we've decided to take baby steps and let things grow. If it's meant to be, it'll work out and if it's not, it had better shamble before I get too close to bleed.

Lemme know what you're thinking, I really value your opinions, I need a voice of reason. Ask questions in the comment box and they would all be addressed in my next post

Friday, March 23, 2012

The Antidote

soooo...ladies and gents.

I think I sorta have some sorta kinda good news.

If you've been following my love life story, here's the latest break through. I am certain that some of you would be like, "na wa, this babe", some others, "halleluyah"...

HAHAHA...I know what you're thinking, "finally...", "finally she's said something", "he's finally made a move"

Lol. Stop with all the "finally" assumptions.

It is with great pleasure that I announce to you that it is none of the above. All assumptions are WRONG.

Anywaiz, so there's this guy I started talking to some time towards the end of last year. It was all professional and business related but it has evolved to a little more than I had originally intended.

Well I had no intentions but yea.

We've been talking all day every day but we've still been able to maintain our busy schedules. He's the sweetest, seriously. LOL.

I know I describe almost everyone like this but, what can I say, I'm a magnet for sweet guys, but somehow I have managed to repel a solid relationship...*sigh*...infact, *very deep sigh*.

I've been thinking about pulling back from this new guy, but he's really helping me get over the other guy, and I think I might have a new crush *covers face*

I enjoy talking to him and being the early stages of getting to know someone, y'all know how fabulous that can be.

Anywaiz, I've got the antidote, *whoop whoop*

I feel some sort of relief and I'm enjoying the moment, trying not to over analyze things. Heaven only knows what God has planned.


Saturday, March 17, 2012


I sorta got an answer from this video.

Stay the HECK away from this dude (ref past two posts)
Gotta stay focussed!



Thursday, March 15, 2012

the feeling...

Don't you just love days when you wake up and your bb light is blinking...and you wonder into thoughts of what the text could be, something along the lines of, "good morning sunshine...did you sleep well?"

So you unlock your phone and it's 3 personal emails, 2 forwards from your mum, 4 mentions on twitter, 1 text message from your Pastor and 2 bbm messages...

niiiice, 2 bbm messages?

You obviously save the bbm messages and check them work your way slowly through the almost irrelevant messages, just because in your mind, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the excitement is aggravated when it takes longer to get to them.

Now you're done the mails, forwards, tweets, text and now you attempt to open up your bbm...getting all giddy inside...even though your eyes aren't completely wide open and you're still sort of in sleep mode, all your body senses start to awaken in anticipation and hope..

You open up your bbm and two people have sent you messages.
One of the messages is the morning bible verse you get daily from a friend and the other is from another friend who just wanted to say wassup...


You begin to wish you had opened the bbm first and replied that one tweet last. There was no "hello sunshine..." nothin remotely close to icing your cake...just a bunch of messages killing your battery...

Funny how that one (special message, from that "special" someone) text that didn't come in, suddenly made all other messages seem like they were running your battery

Good Morning

*time to get ready for work*


*Typing from work now*

Thanks for all your advice on my previous post but truth be told, I don't think I'm up to having a conversation even though I'm 100% sure that's the solution. I'm bent on pretending I feel nothing and focussing on reading my novels to get him off my mind completely.

He lives in the next building, works with the same organization, goes to the same church...etc, I can't handle the awkwardness after. If things weren't so "coincidental" in that we weren't at the same places, involved in the same things, I might, MIGHT, go ahead and attack the issue head on. Generally, I have enuff courage to do what I think is necessary, but this guy has got me all weak and constantly second-guessing confrontation.

In my mind, the least painful solution would be if someone who knew told him and I didn't know about it...

What if we have a conversation and it's all sour and stuff?
I'm too emotional now to handle sour.

Silly emotions got me feeling less of a woman...weak n stuff, yuck! I don't like weak.


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Journey to CONFUSION

I can't seem to figure out what happened.

"Hi", I said.

"Hi", He replied

It was a cordial conversation as respect to ourselves and also to the one who had introduced us.

From a brief professional conversation to lengthier professional convos, till the tides turned our conversations to giggles and more personal conversations.

Then we met again, briefly, as a result of his subtle welcome.

He offered to buy me dinner and being me, I insisted on paying my bill.

I finally moved down and we hung out even more, he was the sweetest, the cutest, he was different from the guys I had liked in the past..his drive and confidence made him even sexier... I pulled myself away, refused to ask for favours even though I may have desperately needed it. I didn't want to fall, but I did. I fell so flat, I feel like I sunk.

We got closer, and at that point, I was certain we felt the same way but expressing myself in my mind is an abomination. I have never, and I refuse to make the first move, so I started to fight again. PULLLLING back, in ways I had devised as guaranteed solutions, all to no avail.

It's been ten months, and you won't believe it, I'm still at it.

I noticed he pulled away.
Unsure of if I chased him.

He didn't say a word.
I didn't say a word.
No one spoke, but his signals, and in some ways my signals are all jumbled up now, they hold no meaning and I'm more lost than when this all started.

I wake up with the same prayer everyday, "Lord, STOP IT! Take this feeling away, make my mind/heart free and clear..."

There are days when I get strength from nowhere, but there are days when I feel so weak, too weak to fight.

I'm done fighting...I keep telling myself.
I need to getaway, meet my new distration, but I know that wouldn't last.

A million thoughts racing back and forth, have got me all confused, I think...I think, it's best not to think!


Saturday, March 10, 2012


Aww...I miss you all so much.

So I've decided to blog. I think I'm going to resume my normal blogging...I miss it too much. I'm soo busy these days but it's not the kinda busy that is bringing money in ooo...just fun stuff I've occupied myself my new site, radio show, tumblr, leading the drama group at church, experimenting new meals, video editing...just a lotta raaaandom stuff.

So I recently just bought my first car...finally!!!!
The journey to getting this car!.

God is indeed faithful.
I remember coming back home and telling my dad about every fantastic deal I found, and my dad saying, "H, all the cars you see are which one is it going to be o".

When I look back at the cars I almost bought, I'm blown away by how much I would have regretted it. You see, I had a budget and I tried to find a nice car within my budget. There was this old lady looking car at some point, that was the big seller for my dad...then I found a red honda sports car with tan leather interior. *sigh* in my mind it was the best car I could find.
I'm so glad when they took another look at it, the dealer found out he couldn't sell it cause of some engine issue that cost too much to fix, almost more than the price of the car.

Long story short, finally bought my car, I absolutely loooove it. It's the interior I loooove the most. The outside is nice, black and shiny too but the interior just makes me zoooooom

You like?

So the point of this mini update??
I realized something recently, my love life has been like the journey to getting my new car. I remember falling in love with the first guy I met and to me that was the best guy in the world for me, then I met the next and wow...he was even better.

The first guy was like the old lady car, which I thought was absolutely fantastic, just because I was new in the market for cars and I guess the novelty and the newbee-ness overwhelmed me and blinded my reasoning.

The next best car, I fell in love with was the red sports car, in my mind I was I had this bf, I was head over heels for only to find out in the end just when I was on the verge of making and hoping he was mine forever, things just went haywire. The world thought we were getting married. Heck! I thought we were getting married. Same with this car, I had told people that was the car I was buying etc etc...but yea, s***f happens. (lol, it's stuff, don't rack ur head about it, felt like typing ***)

I went into the phase of a white honda, it just had to be a white honda. Finally found a white honda in a different city, within my price range. PERFECT!!!.
Over the weekend, I sent the emails, details etc to the dealership as they were closed when I found it. For about a few weeks, I had been in search for a white honda. Anywaiz, when I found this one, when my friends asked, "how far with the car now" I'd be like, "yea, I found it o..planning to go see it this weekend" When the dealership opened up on Monday, I called them and put in my bid, the guy said he'd work on it with his manager, bla bla bla...again, to cut the long story short, I found out that the car was a base model. NO AC. Who makes a car with no AC these days? whoooo??? that's besides the point.
It's the same thing with my NY guy, I love(d) him, he has the body build I like and would listen any form of jargon I had to say, there was just a lotta good in him but as there was no AC in my car, there was no Jesus in his I was back at square one again.

In short, my car journey almost mirrors my love life story. There were other guys in the mix that I had quick drive-by feelings for, as there were cars I liked in between for just a short time but yea...

In the end, as much as I thought I had found the perfect one, I realize that truly God makes all things beautiful in his own time and adds no sorrow. He knows the desires of our hearts and gives us just what is best for us. This car couldn't be more perfect for me and my bf/hubby when he finally comes would be the PERFECTEST.

I also had to expand my price range to get something I'd really like. Same goes with this wait and hope for the H man, I have to expand my patience and not be so rigid, let God do the choosing.

As I looove the interior of my car way more than the shiny black exterior, I can totally see me finding that man that makes me all giddy inside, because he's prettier inside.

It's good to be back.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Hi All,

I have been unfaithful and I know it.

I recently revealed myself on my new website, and I kinda abandoned this one 'cause my identity had been tampered with.

I've got too much to tell you all and honestly, I can't exactly tell it all here anymore. I'd bullet point though.

That guy, I liked has not budged in, it's almost a year now and I'm still liking there. It's ridiculous how we can't choose who we like. *sigh*. A lotta people would wonder why I'm still talking about him till now, it's cause...he still lingers in my mind. I've deleted my bbm before cuz of it, I've avoided talking to him for a while...I've done it all. My travels start in April, so I'm hoping this would help me even more.

I haven't travelled this year at all.

A lotta times I find myself missing my NY guy, you know the one I blogged several stories about. He was loads of fun. Sadly we won't work because of our religious differences, so I've let that ship we're just really close friends.

This use to be my space of escape. I'd talk to you all and feel better with all the comforting, scolding, eye-opening, insightful comments you'd leave. I miss you.

On the flip side though, I'm still blogging, not exactly about my love life but it's still interesting stuff, I think?

Please check out my website,
To the writers out there, you can participate in the love story, dudulove. (

Also, I have a radio show on, which solely focusses on love/relationships etc. Its every Monday night at 8pm EST. Listen and spread the word.

Tonight we're talking about love and sickle cell.

You can listen to the past few episodes on here:

I misssssss YOOOOUUUUU.



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