The Confusion in Crushin'

Hiya,

I've got this lazy bug going on...it's so sluggish, it's gotta go. With every opportunity I get off work, I stay put at home. The most I'd do is clean up and cook, of which I've got almost nothing to clean. I've been mixing in my travelling a bit, at least when I can...but that's it...I've become a couch potato.

It's probably ok, since I think I've been over working my body this year, stressing over all sorts of things and tryna sort things out. The truth is there would always be things to keep us on the go, never resting, never breathing if we allow it so I'm fena chill a lil, live a lot.

Last week, I was thinking about the irony in falling in love. Like a guy and he doesn't like you, when he likes you, you like someone else, when you like that someone else, he likes someone else..lool...silly cycle.

My wonder or should I say curiosity is, why does timing play such a big part in love? In what sense? It's like love is always attacked by time. It's rare or much later in life that the timing works out perfectly. Truth be told, I guess God does know what he's doing because if the timing of our hearts desires were always synced with the person we like(d) there would be more chaotic unions by now.

Also, I wondered why 3 or 4 guys may be interested in talking to me or getting to know me but I'm more interested in getting to know someone other than any of the 3 or 4. Why can't I just pick one of the 3 or 4 and make it happen? lol....cuz I don't really like them.

Falling in love, when viewed out of the box, seems like a game. *sigh*

Over the weekend I went to chill with a few girlfriends, and one of my girls and I gisted till past 3am on our lives + issues. She slapped me with words resounding, "where do I get off thinking it's worth it to worry when God know what he's up to"

That question was birthed from my worry on when would I know what the other party feels and stop wondering. If you are in my shoes or anything remotely close, where you've met a guy, you're certain you like but he just seems to be the most difficult men to decode when it comes to feelings, here's a word for you. Hit the brakes, sit back, relax...when your man comes, you wouldn't have to play the role of a programmer, tryna decode feelings...he'd let you know..

Me I don't like all this play...

*now singing* quit playing games with my heart, quit playing games with my heart.....

*****

I started up this new site, www.dudunorth.com

Please check it out.

I'd like you to help me out with dudulove. Yall are fabulous writers, pls put pen to paper and continue dudulove with me.

#kisses

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the Irony!

Hello amigos,

Lovely weekend?

Mine was good but it had so many bumps...in short it was weird with a million mixed emotions...and its not like I was on my period o.

It was just a regular 2 days off.

Of course I had my dose of Friday and Sunday church which was a major part of what I needed. For the past two months I've been attempting a certain test and for some reason or another, I can't seem to pass it. I've maxed out all teaching options and I think when you fail something once, the next attempt is filled with some increased portion of fear and anxiety.

Anywaiz, the silly test was eating into other parts of my life and somewhat crippling my confidence in my abilities. It has become a prayer point because I'm not structured for fear and this has to stop...before the devil starts thinking he can tear me down cuz I fell a couple of times...shuuu....he's barking up the wrong tree!

On a much lighter, yet heavy note...

I've had a guy on my mind for a hawt minute and I'm not liking it much. I hate uncertainty and I don't like anyone making me feel weak in anyway. When I say weak, I mean I want to have absolute control over my thoughts...ABSOLUTE!.

I don't want to crush over anyone who isn't crushing over me, or let any guy take a significant portion of my very beautiful thoughts unless he feels I'm worth it and at this juncture, I'm in a complete state of confusion cuz I can't read this dude. I've thrown in the towel a million times in my mind but I think I keep going back to pick the silly towel back up. Mschew....

I feel like I'm losing a grip on my emotions..I'm fena get hard core.

*tears*

*wailing*

"Why can't I be hard core?"

My girlfriend, Happy feet asked me, "So say you knew what he was thinking...what would you do?"

pause...

longer pause....

*shrug*

"I donno"

*covers face*

Can you imagine? after waiting, wandering and hoping I donno what to do...wow!

Even I donno what to say to that.

It's weird how you wait for something for so long and you think you know what you want but in actuality, you're ridiculously clueless.

I'm gobsmacked!

I mean totally gobsmacked.

I get shivers sometimes when he comes around and I donno why. I can't even explain why I like the guy...well that's not entirely true, I know a few reasons but some other experiences make me question my emotions and triple check that my head is still screwed to my neck.

I donno...I donno...I donno

I'd keep you posted, but I think I sorta need some help in a way...I think.

I donno what to do with these emotions...I want to just wrap 'em up and throw them in the river.

Last night I had a tightness in my chest cuz I couldn't sort me out.

I'd be alright...I think I'm going to buy that big teddy bear Afronuts suggested in one of my posts...*covers face*

#kisses

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