Sunday, May 29, 2011

Self - Discovery

Here are a few facts about me:

I'm single
I'm a hopeless romantic (but I curb my desires till the time is right #SongsOfSolomon2:7)
I'm adventurous
I'm very outspoken, but I love my alone time like it's an addiction
My mind is constantly racing, I need distractions to avoid an explosion
I'm quite the ambitious kind
I love to love
I can't stand people being helpless and I'm unable to help
I love kids but I'm not having more than three
I love my friends a lot. I'm the mafia kinda "touch not my (close) friends or else..."
I like keeping in touch, not for aproko purposes but just to know that u're alright
I hate it when I don't get the response I was looking for
When I'm upset I go to sleep
I'm almost a neat freak
I'm a very picky eater, but I'm working on that.
I'm extremely untraditional and I try to bend to tradition a bit just so people don't have to "accomodate" me.
I love travelling
Seeing people smile, makes me happy.
Sick people, some old people and mean people make me cry "inside" sometimes
I'm a Christian and I'm 100% sure that's the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's my ultimate hope. The mere fact that I understand why I'm a Christian and I'm not just moving to the beat of someone else's, "this is what Christians do" is a thing of joy.
I love family. Family is waaay up there on my priority list.
I want to own an orphanage someday.

and the list goes on....
but these are only a few things I've discovered.

I started with I am single for a reason. I've come to a point where I have realized that I am truly at one of the best but toughest stages of life. I want to meet people, go places, do things...but really, It's the time where we're meant to build our foundations. Ask questions like; what direction do you truly want your life to head? Where do you want to be? How do you plan on getting there? What's the purpose of your life? What type of person would you like to partner with you on your journey till the end? etc etc.

As one of my Pastors puts it, "20 till 25 is the spring of your life", where you discover yourself, know what your likes and dislikes are, it's not time to settle down into a family per se until you're sure of who (and other pertinent "settling down" details). It's not an abomination to settle down within this period as there are different levels of maturity.

I feel like there's no hurry to do anything really. It's the quality of what I do that matters. As I move through life I want it all to count, each day, every minute, I want to be happy with my steps. Along the way I would fall, make a few mistakes but that's the beauty of life, we take baby steps first before we begin to walk, jump, run. We are built to stumble, that we may realize that we can't do it all by ourselves, we're not perfect and we will fall, that we may learn.

Many may assume money as the drive to prosperity or the reason marriage and settling down is put on hold but I fear that, that might just be a spiral downwards. Money is a perk not a goal for me. Money is good but if I love it so much that it's all I want...then it's a serious case of "money miss road".

Ok, enough with the ramblings...
I just wanted to update you on what I'm up to.

I'm embracing life
Being thankful for the little things
Observing my pet peeves and paying my smile a little more attention.
Loving as best as I can...
Going back to my first love, God

At the end of this I should know me, more. Not be shaped by expectations but by who I know I am/want to be and all the beautiful things God says I am.

I will be me, undiluted
I hear many are scared to find out who they really are but I believe its a path that pays to tread upon, the earlier the better. Nowadays the same personality is mimicked, if not for the difference in appearance, I meet the same person almost everywhere. The lack of an identity is rather disturbing. It's time to put the cookie cutter away!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

in an attempt to blog...

My peepo....I hail! :)
My sincere greetings to Myne Whitman. Get well soon, dear. If y'all could drop by and wish her a speedy recovery, that'll be great. (((hugs)))

So I am writing from a very upset/pissed/angry/mad state of mind. I woke up this morning about just 2 times which is awesome for me, esp. since in the past two days I haven't slept well at all. I woke up bout 5 times, 2 days prior and 4 times yday...or sum'n like that....and my nose was bleeding. The first major bleed wasn't even funny. It was a crap load of blood.

Heaven only knows if I was fighting in my sleep. Well I think the AC was on too high but even then...the bleed can't be justified by that...or can it? my friend says it could be change of weather but I highly doubt that.

Anywaiz so in my plans today, I was bent on blogging. I knew what I was going to blog on and I had intentions on blogging on both my blogs. I knew the videos I wanted to share...yadi yada yada...but my very foolish and selfish laptop decided not to come on, I'm meant to move my stuff over to a friends place for storage and the U-Hauls in the city are all booked. We'd have to cross over to the states (its really not that far) to pick one up, they're not available till 3:30pm. I leave for London at 4pm....and to top it all **** and other kinda sorta *** have that just frustrated me some more.

So I went back to my laptop, slapped it, beat it....did all sorts and still nothing. Checked my account and found out that it looks like someone had used my credit card, called visa....and confirmed a few things...(no one had, the nonsense cab company just posted their payment late)...

At this point my temper is on a raging high but I'm tryna just smile through it all....except that that smile was just a little skewed.....UPSIDE DOWN.

As I was just about to sleep (sleep has a magical way of calming ALL my nerves and making me forget my frustration), I decided to


I have a few questions?

Should a guy pursue a girl or is a girl allowed to pursue a guy? Doesn't that take her dignity down a notch?
I have my reservations though but Imma let y'all walk me thru ur stances...

What do you do when you see your ex moving on with another girl? How do you handle it? How do you handle moving on in general, esp. when nothing is filling in your "love vacancy"?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Return of Miss MIA

Hiya my luvies,

I trust y'all are doing great. I've been MIA for a number of reasons but it would be unnecessary to delve into the reasons. Lets avoid potential ramblings and thank all those who checked up on me...#kissesAMIGOS. I lurr you.

What's the dload on the vacant absence.

Me: Is there anything else I could help you with?
Customer (age 70/80/90 years old): Just a kiss.

Me: big smile...then I walk away...
This was a first for me, was a joke but I was utterly flabbergasted. At that point, I didn't even think "ewwww", I was busy rolling on the floor and laughing in my head until someone came and told me, "one word, creepy".

I went back, laughed and kindly sent him away..."Have a great day"
The joys of customer service. lol. There are all sorts...


I swear, I have his heart. I promise he has mine too but I think he might have maybe just half of mine...cuz I'm torn between the two...

When I'm in tears and I need encouragement, he's the first man on my mind. I find remarkable refuge and comfort in him. He's the serenity to my raging storm, the endless peace when my name becomes distress. When I fall, fail, fumble and breakdown, he pieces my pieces back together. He's the wow in my lukewarmness. I fail to mention the heart skips from his presence because, mere words cannot describe my body response...after all, he's the one person that leaves me speechless.

speaking of speech...

there's the other man in my life. I promise, he's my connection. With him, my speech is smooth. He challenges me, he gives me purpose, enables me to search, to wonder, to inquire. He keeps my mind racing, stimulated and eventually finding knowledge. In the end I have come from tweedle dumb to Einstein just by knowing him. I gave him the other half of my heart and I bet he wears it everywhere with him. The glow in my eyes from our togetherness/relationship have become a newsworthy to even the uninterested. I'm astonished by his effect. With him I feel like a real woman. A woman with value, and most of all a woman with a man. I mean an actual man by intelligence, maturity and respect. He's the reason I have been described as a woman of grace...

Now, my desire is a hybrid of the two men in my life. Is this too much to ask? Ok, ok...maybe I'm a little too selfish and I can't pick but can you honestly blame me? One man gives me essence, the other is my essence.

The time has come and I have to choose...why? My morals haven't pushed me to make a choice, the rings have. It's almost as though they knew there was competition and they proposed 2 weeks apart.
I can't choose :(
Plus, besides the men in my life, there's someone else I love as well...ME!
What do I want???

Oh well...come tomorrow, I would tell y'al what my decision is cuz one must go or both. The one that's mine, would eventually come back to me....I think

I know it's my life, but I kinda sorta need your help...HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLPPP

p.s: it was all fiction. I needed to update and all the things I wanted to blog about didn't come to mind cuz I guess I've postponed it a little too much. The old kissy kissy man was real though...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Single Spouse

I'm sorry I've been MIA for a hawt minute. Please accept my sincere apologies.


"He just lay there silent, still and calm, he left with nothing...he left them all for me. The empire we built, is all left for the kids and I. If we were to live for 3 more centuries, we would still have left over. The dream we dreamt, I can't live alone...The places we were to see wouldn't be worth seeing alone. To take someone along would be deficient of the vital emotions. My wonder now is what the point of living to work and not living to love, in love and enjoying my love all the days he was the mornings we rushed out with barely a goodbye kiss, over the weekends we stayed home separately busy....all I've had is 3 months of retirement and now he's gone...I would trade this wealth if my heart were here to live the last days with me"

"useless wealth!"

On Monday, a woman walked into the bank with $40,000+ in taxes to pay because of her capital gains on the house she just sold. It doesn't take a genius to realise how much she had actually made in gains. Btw for non-business folk, capital gains is taxed on 50%, not the full yea, she got mucho I was staring at her portfolio so I knew she was rich instantly.

Along the way, we got talking about her hubby, and she mentioned that he passed away 5 years ago. She also chipped in that the $40k she was paying was really just money, it may seem large but all the hype of cash and buying stuff don't matter to her anymore. The gamble/the rush/the distractions of life are really a mere waste of time, especially since she watched her hubby leave with none of it.

I've come to terms with the hype of life and the loss of focus on the things that truly matter but at that moment I thought of the interest or should I say, the longing for someone to share life's most beautiful moments with only to eventually get married and then lose him. The worst is when you lose the person you waited so long for very early in life...

To have spent 60 years of the best part of your life with the love of your life and then to lose that person, then what? For a moment, life becomes totally meaningless and most people really don't want to spend a second longer on earth. A few others reminisce with thoughts of "whyl he was here, I had the best life ever, I knew what it meant for love to be personified, the only stories I have to tell are all good"

It truly is a gift to understand and appreciate the moments we have with the ones we love, no matter how long they might last because they really don't last that long.

When I'm given the chance to love, I would love with all that it takes. 2 minutes from now could be my last breath or his last breath. Death is certain but the uncertainty of its timing is why life should be priceless.

Goodnight luvz


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