Your Warmth, My Respect

I'm sitting in the dark, lying still and weak from the days work, Wishing for your love, hoping for the warmth of your love that soothes the stress and re-affirms my mind of security, A warmth, that proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that my worries are subjective to your presence, A presence that completely distracts me from my consistently racing mind, my frequent bleeding heart and currently aching body.

With you, it's needless to say, "it is well", because for some reason, your very existence in my life is evidence. For an even weirder reason, the words that I always once needed to hear when my burdens felt heavier are belittled because your actions undermine, completely the power of the once supernaturally powerful words of encouragement. Who knew that it was possible to embody, love, peace and joy all in one person? Each morning, after thanking God that he had mercy on me to see a new day, you're the very next thing/person/thought, I'm grateful for. My morning smile, grows wider, knowing that you're in my life. Your absolute goodness, urges me to pray that every one of my loved ones is blessed with their own perfect man, just as I have been blessed with mine.

I ignore your faults not because my love is blind, but because my love could careless of your short comings, my love would wait for you, stand by you as we build a bond that is unbreakable...Again, my love is not blind to the fact that you're not as handsome as the next person, because to me in so many other ways you somehow end up being even more handsome than the next guy. Yes, they call it blindness, but the truth is I see the difference, but you still mean more and look better...so I call it caring less. My love would always, without fail, within my power, with the help of other peoples powers, when I'm powerless, to answer when you call because you've answered, always, before I call.

*painting the picture* Now I'm off my bed, on my dining table, having dinner, still in the dark, pretending to create the Nigerian feeling where there is no power, its raining cats and dogs, rather chilly but perfect. For a very odd reason, my creativity sparks up during those moments. Except that I'm actually pouring out a whole lot of my sincere state right now...not creativity.

*snapping out of it*

Well you're not here but the day dreaming was worth the while. I imagine the days where running into your arms alone didn't need to calm a storm but just to comfort my heart. I imagine times after a long day at work where I would sit in your arms, silently, without even a word of complaint or panic. Other times where I would kiss you 20 times, with every pause stating how much I missed you, even though the last time I saw you was at 8am, that morning. Many times you would talk about your day and how things went up and down but all in all you're just glad to be home. Imagining....the volumes your hugs would speak completely leaves me dumbfounded and anticipating...

OK, OK...........Lemme stop here before I get carried away. soooo....hmmm.....

******

#whistling...followed by, "hey sexy" and some other annoying composed utterance...was the start of my day to work yesterday. I was coming off the bus when "John Bull" and I almost knocked ourselves down...ok not entirely...but we were about to almost...

Preceded by a gang of other black guys, this guy apologizes and tells me to go ahead of him that he was sorry miss...and I stepped out...na so, bros now decides that his "kindness" and "respect" were not sufficient and decides to whistle and utter some words alongside...oh kaaay...

Uhm...trust me now, I kept walking like I didn't hear a thing, meanwhile I was beginning to wonder why he thought that was very respectful of him and I must be blushing, or he must have made my day....ok, ok, I donno what he thought I was thinking but..yea...

I realized that to many people that is actually a compliment but to me, I don't want guys to embarrass me with comments like that not because there's anything wrong with a lady being sexy but please allow me to express my position in this world as an "individual", let my thoughts, reasonings, morals be voiced. Give me an opportunity to deserve being more than a piece of meat, with vital organs to give a man the pleasure that all men desire. Don't stare at me like a piece of meat, imagining all the nasty things you could do to this body. Its just disrespectful. Before I'm a female, I'm an individual. I'm an individual that should be complemented with words like beautiful (inside and out), not another wondering lady that can please you. If you think I'm sexy, think it only and stop there...have some tact and shut up, when you need to. Let my husband and all his desires overwhelm me with his thoughts of me, not a random stranger....

Anyways, that's just how I feel.

hmmph!

lol

Back in the day, when guys thought a woman was sexy, they had the decency to tip their hats and smile, showing respect, appreciating beauty and commanding respect. These days, whatever jumps to the top of a guys head, is not filtered in any way but uttered, forgetting that not all girls are the same. Given, many girls would even twirl for you after you tell them how sexy you think they are, but not all...this just takes me to the softness of a womans heart. Once you feed her with embellished words, its easy for her to become yours, and before you know it, y'all have enjoyed yourselves, and you're on to the next. The girl would toughen up, like, "nutin do me", but she's bleeding somehow, somewhere and at the end of the road its a crap load of regrets...talk about a jonzing world.

*******

So I was wondering, why do guys talk more when a lady is not replying them? Do they not get the point or...? I've observed this and I'm just curious. I understand that if you want a girl, you go after her with all it takes but, some girls actually mean shooo...I don't want you. My girl friend recently had her fone flooded with messages from a guy, she has no inkling of interest for and my guy kept on sending her absolutely unrelated messages, with no reply. He spoke about the day, his travel, etc, you would think my girl friends msgs were just blanked out cuz he actually held an extremely long convo with himself.

*******

Is there a memo, saying have sex now or never. There's no rush, as beautiful as sex is, it's worth waiting for true love (after the deal is done ;))

Debate Question for you:

Is sex still the evidence of love or just a game for two?

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Ghetto Fabulous!

It's 9:05 am and I'm rushing to catch my bus to work. Trust me, always cutting it too close, I have to move really fast, no time for fraternizing or feeling any cool morning breeze...It's game time!...lol

Well I'm rushing in heels, when this guy walks up to me,

MISS, MISS...

this dude is dressed like a tout,..the real ghetto ghetto...not to discriminate or anything. it is what it is...

In my head...I'm like Dear Lord, this had better not be a hold up, plus what am I going to say to this dude? Sometimes, black guys creep me out. Anywaiz, we hold a short convo about the bus for a hot minute and he finally decides he's coming in my direction...well well now, he decides to give me a break and slows his pace so he gives me a bit of space...n I'm like, "dude, if u're going to make the bus u mite want to walk faster than that"

That was how bros. decides walking at my pace, side by side was his fastest, he said he cudn't walk any faster than me, for some odd reason...uhm....darlyn, u're not in heels and I seem to be slowing u down...
Nuff talk, we gist for bout 10 mins, bout my age, this weird white lady who claims that she liked him and asked him (a complete stranger) to move in with her...huh??????? who does that? well, they're living in bliss...who am I to judge his living arrangements. (I was more concerned bout the white lady though).

As we chilled for the annoyingly late bus, we built enough rapport for my new friend to inform me about the details of my neighbourhood and how I live in the ghetto...ye kpa...he told me bout the secret places and all, I almost pick race, my peepo...

Anywaiz, to confirm his facts, guess who's walking my way...
Bros. tells me or rather asks, "that guy walking towards us is just coming out of jail, you know why?" this guy is walking from the direction of my apartment building...my reply, "the bag he's carrying"...

So our new bros walks all the way up to us and they greet themselves like old gang members and there's me, waiting for my grand introduction.....NOT!....where the heck is the bus? "UNA WAN MAKE I die for here? "nne, biko do not gang up on me o...I was just jejely going to wek" (ok, I'm lying, I was soo cool and calm, it was as though we were all gang members and they got my back...lol...), my two brothers are busy gisting, "so what were you in for?"/ "assault"/"how long was your time?" kinda gist...(to set the stage we were probably the only three pedestrians on the road at the time and it was not busy with traffic at all...)

To double confirm my living standards, on my way back from wek, police cars and those massive guns are surrounding the house right near mine...."Chineke din ma, there is no one like you..." singing...lol...no singing o...more like a panic attack...to call Happy Feet or not was the question....

and here I am....home sweet home...blogging...hmm....God is good. In here is serene and outside is just a whole different ball game.

I'm definitely ghetto fabulous...hahaha...btw, I live not too far from the jail. I knew that before but I just felt so 'ode shi' with myself...I still do though...and I am truly glad I'm leaving my apt at the end of April. How am I to meet my Prince Charming if one of these guys were high enough (on their weed) to hold me hostage and put a bullet through? ehn, how?

Only God keeps us!

Really!

****

I helped a woman out today at work who had worked out all the James Bond tricks to hide money from her hubby who was waiting out in the parking lot for her, Poor Man! Meanwyl, his princess, age 60/70 was busy devising tricks to avoid telling him how much she actually took out and he also doesn't know she has a "secret" account...hmmm

NEVER TELL YOUR HUSBAND EVERYTHING

...were her words to me. She said her grandmother had mentioned that to her when she was younger but she didn't quite get it and now she does. We laffed bout all her tricks and her advise, u wuda thot we were drunk, but truth be told...

I don't want that!

I want to be able to share it all, no secrets, all truth. Secrets eat me up, if they're bad, and hiding stuff from my hubby would be bad unless it's a pleasant surprise. That's not the mentality I have of a good relationship.

3 hours later, one of my favourite old couples showed up and they completely put all her devices to shame. They tell all, do it all together. I actually asked. The man goes, "I've tried to run away about 14 times, and I've failed always" he jokes like that....they're adorable....now something like that is worth tying yourself to a man or woman for years.

That's all I've got tonight...I was just in the mood to talk ghetto fabulously...lol

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...lately...

It's 11:51pm, church is bright and early tomorrow but here I am blogging.

I kinda sorta need to (really want to)...

*painting the scenario*

Staring out the bus windows and disappearing into a totally new world, my world, where nothing, no one but me exists. It's not a place of chaos but of serenity in it's own somewhat odd way. I'm not worrying but truth be told, some may classify it as worry. Ok, scratch that, I'm thinking deeply....yea, sounds better. Thinking very deeply...

*still painting*

To be perfectly descriptive, Steven Spielberg would probably paint a scenario with me staring into the skies passing vibes of aspiration and query to the audience. You see, I don't want to make a mess of life, I'm not feeling the idea of routine without questions, I don't want to take steps without purpose. I'm at a stage where I need to define myself, my actions, my thoughts and my patience.

*done painting since o!, hope you know...lol*

Let it not be said that I was lost in my fears, concerns, routine that I totally neglected putting time into creating the right me. To cut all this grammar short, I've taking a few steps back, slowed down a bit and now I'm ready to walk with purpose, complete purpose. I thought I had purpose before, well I did but it wasn't complete. The kinda purpose I had sorta likened me to a woman who ran out of the O.R while the surgeon was still stitching her up. She still had the thread hanging down her blouse (or whatever it is she was wearing....dearMedicalbloggers, please ignore my medical ignorance...and accept my blurb at face value...)

******

BABY FEVER

Am I alright?

Its been almost a month now and my fever is rising...or maybe falling by 0.01% a week...

Please tell me this happens.

I'm not married, not engaged and there is no boyfriend to even permit such strong maternal instincts...you know the, "I wonder what our kids would look like", "I can't wait to have kids with..."....there's no one for that sorta daydreaming. I'm riding solo!

I do see a minimum of 10 absolutely adorable babies every week, which may be one of the reasons or maybe the main reason or even the ONLY reason, but really?

Funny story, last week when I was feeling very "baby feverish", I asked if one of my friends would help me out...lool...calm down people, it was just a joke jo. He concluded that I was crazy and I can't believe that at some point he got serious enough to tell me that I had lost my mind and this isn't what I want...blah blah blah, this is not the lifestyle I planned for myself...yada yada yada...It was cute to listen to him defend me like I was drunk and couldn't think for myself...lol

I can't lie, I acted the part quite well. It was fun till I found out I was locked out of my apartment, cuz I forgot my keys in, so I shortened the drama...rather ended the drama and snapped back to real life. no jokes! #gameFace

Someone please tell me its absolutely normal, cuz one of my friends at work said in SO many words, "there must be something terribly wrong with you"...lol.

and my reply, "didn't you ever play with barbies?" in very few words..."u're so hard core...lol"

p.s: I do not plan on having pre-marital sex for a baby, so ppl, don't panic. thx tho...mwaaah!

PROMISE RING

I've always wanted a promise ring, you know a pre-engagement ring to say I promise, "I'd be YOUR perfect man (love makes a man perfect) and I'd be yours till the very end". Yea I know, it sorta sounds like an engagement ring but it's more of a "I'm not ready to get married but lemme sort a few things out and I'd be right back to you....FOR SURE!, it's you I want, please wait for me..."

It's too late for that, I guess.

*bye-bye "promise ring ship", sailing away...:( :(*

Yesterday, a colleague of mine asked me to look out for her daughter who was coming in with her boyfriend to pick up her promise ring from another store, which she wanted to show mummy before she left and I awwed so loud inside and out. After talking for about 30 seconds, my colleague looks up to me and asks, "do you have a boyfriend?" I laffed so hard. (with you day-dreaming this much, you must have a boyfriend). [ok, pause for a second there, I'm not always thinking about my relationship status or potentials, only a few occasions trigger it...and that was one of them. :D....yea, seriously...)

Like a proposal, an actual wedding proposal, I woulda liked my promise ring to come with a short humorous spiel from him, just for the fun of it...as well as the very necessary warmness.

*****

BLACK vs. OTHERS.

I've noticed that I am only attracted to black guys and when I walk past a white/chinese/indian fyne guy, it's just like walking past another girl. no biggy!

That's not racism right? It's just a preference. I would relate, laugh and roll with people of other cultures if need be but when it comes to being attracted, I'm en-you-em-bee...NUMB!.

I really should stop yapping and head to bed.

Welcome new followers....yaaaay....I was glad to see the increase when I opened up my dashboard.

Btw, my blog is one year old on April 8th and I would be having a giveaway. Details are in this post if you're interested in joining in. So far, no interests....:(

Nanyt luvz

God bless and have a beautiful week ahead.

#kisses.

To all my single ladies, may you find a man that's worth your worth and in the mean time, enjoy the beauty of your own life, he'd come, when he's in the neighbourhood. ;)

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Fat WAIT

"Only a dog wants a bone, men want curves..."

Public SERVICE Announcement o, ladies and gents....Ejo, biko, we need to care for our health. I notice many ladies either starving themselves because they want to be skinny or killing themselves with food because they can't say no or they already have "the guy", tied down, so there's "no one" to please.

All that aside, let's focus on us. It's absolutely unhealthy not to eat balanced meals. Agreed! sometimes we stray a little but the effort we put in caring about our health now would pay off a great deal in the future. Some veggies, fruits, carbs here n there...go a looong way. I'm beginning to sound like I'm some fitness guru. Truth be told, I'm a big sucker for sweet and spicy food and I almost always give in. I'm learning to say NO a lot, recently, which is a big step for me. I froze my account so I am forced to live on very little income which leaves no room for frivolities, no eating out or unnecessary fraternizing....we'd fraternize with water...lol

Not eating and becoming an almost "size negative", is a no-no and letting yourself go is a big NO. I find that many girls pass on all the good food because they want to stay skinny for their boo's but young ladies, your boo's are eating well well and just keeping fit or regulating their fat intake, meanwhile u're drinking water and eating fruits alone....hmmm

Guys like curves too, let's not get carried away. Guys, girls like built bodies as well, no fronting (I'm a big fan of moderate muscles, chest and no belly...lol...*covering face*...I ABSOLUTELY hate when a guys muscles are popping out from everywhere...or overdone gyming...yuck...+ steroids, just be fit!!! oshe)...From whatever race, religion, tradition a person myt be from or possess, let's not deceive ourselves claiming that we never, I mean never get physically attracted to a person. Yes, the personality wins over the appearance to many of us who prefer substance over form but, appearance in most cases is the introduction to personality.

Oh, women that just let go...*sad face* don't do that, I know we have kids, we get too rich, we eat all we want and there are probably a million other reasons but it pays to stay on top of our games...if not for the beauty of it, for your health...

"his wife is feeding him well", the famous excuse for a married man with a pOt belly. If that's the case, I would not feed my hubby...lol...I do not for any reason appreciate a pOt belly.

Moving on....

"The finest trees do not last long in the forest"

When a carpenter finds good wood, he cuts up the part that he likes, begins to carve it till it takes the desired shape, then files it before he polishes it....but in the process of the filing, if the wood could protest, he would take the carpenter to court for all the damage and hardship caused....

Where is this madam driving?

Ok, ok...lol

Sometimes to be as beautiful as we imagine, we need to hold on a little longer, go through a few more steps before we are presentable. Not many singles are happy to be single when their friends are getting married or when all the benefits they once had from their past relationship seems to have vanished but the truth is, we probably need some sharpening here and there before it is time and the longer we endure the better the payoff.

For good to come out, the wait is vital and being aware of the necessary wait, we might as well just sit tight and enjoy the ride rather than just endure the ride. Good things, the right things would come at the appointed time, let's not be in too much of a hurry to be like the next person, our stories are all meant to be different.

I know I've jabbered a lot tonight but I hope it wasn't entirely a mess of words.

G'nyt luvs

mwaaah!!

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When We Were In Love

It was a cold wet evening on July 22nd, 1992, I remember it rather vividly, I was walking back from dinner with friends when I hopped into a cab that I apparently didn't realise was parked with someone else in it. It was you. That day, your smile was imprinted in my head. To say that I didn't notice the body you had on you would be a...very huge lie.

Yes we had a brief conversation but all I recall is, "where are you headed? we could share the cab". At that moment I wanted to head in whatever direction you were heading but being a long night, I had no time for games. We said our good byes and I thought that was it.

Coincidentally, I bumped into you 3 months after and you looked even better than I remembered. I blushed a million times inside but I was embarrassed because there your were in you fresh shirt, fresh pants, fresh shoes, fresh hair cut and fresh smile. I say fresh because along with the throbbing of my heart was the word "fresh" ringing accordingly...on the other hand there was me, in my sweats, pony tail and all in all droopy look. I had just come back from a run....and whoah...I stunk.

Surprisingly, you didn't notice me, or so I thought so I stared a little and then remembered I had work to do, without further astonishment, I snapped back to reality. Attempting to walk away or rather run away, you beckoned me. Oh so much joy. That very moment, I stepped out of my rags and focused my attention on our conversation. Yes, yes, yes, I played so calm and carefree...lol...talk about a facade. The convo led to me releasing my number and from then on it was bliss...

We talked into the nights, took long walks, laughed at the most ridiculous things, in your absence I scribbled exes and ohs, (on a few old notepads, you would find the words, "I miss you", "I love my baby" with heart doodles in odd places), I smiled without reason most times and the day you popped "the question", I almost couldn't breathe..

**********

It's been 5 years since then and we've been blessed with a son and two beautiful daughters. Our children bring me so much joy but today I'd like to ask for one thing, if there is still anymore love left for me in you, allow me to take our kids with me while I leave you for a year or two.

These bruises are multiplying without pardon, my emotional pain is at its peak, if I were to take one more belt stroke, I'd be suicidal. I'm emotionally dead and physically weak, please allow me to take with me the only love I have left.

I have prayed for a miracle, I have waited for the spark in your eyes again, I have wished that one day you would look at me the way you once did, that you would smile at me with the love you once showed. I know someday we would be what we were once again but I also know today is not the day. This has to be a long nightmare and I can't wait to wake up, I'm choking!

You are drunk most days and high on others...I can't place the reason for the change, did I lead you to abandonment? Did I fall short of being the wife you hoped for? Is there a circulating rumour claiming that I am unfaithful?

It's time to drop my pen because it is likely that this page would be so soaked with my tears, if I move on, you would barely read a word. I need you to know that at this moment, I am far from you and forget the question on whether I could take our kids, the flush of painful, heart-wrenching memories forced me to question whether it was sane to ask you in the first place...I've decided to take them.

Goodbye Dave,

I'd be back in a year, two or three.

------------

Month 1:

She's goooone...woohooo

young girls over till morning, paid and sent home in the morning

Month 2:

Guys over with girls, now the house is pretty much a strip club and beer parlour. The den for cheating men.

Month 3:

Settling down with another young lady

Meanwhile the wife is praying her life away, "I want my husband back!" #tears/wailing

Month 4:

This chic isn't working out, at all

Good bye lady

Month 5:

Chilling and thinking a bit

Month 6:

She didn't leave me, that fool (wife) did not leave me!

Who would clean up my mess? Am I really to keep making my meals myself, I can't continue to order out. My bank account is running on reserve, who would watch the funds and caution my spending habits?

At this point, noticing only the things she could do for him

Month 7:

I miss her smile, her morning hugs, it's been years since she smiled.

Month 8:

Whatever went wrong? I'm numb, purposeless and empty. My vibrance is gone, my fullness, joy, comfort; all gone. That feeling of love I felt once is amazingly non-existent. I want it all back, cuz this guy here would die a very lonely death and that wasn't the plan. I once had so much life, now I'm slowly fading away, bitter, angry and pretty much drunk most times....what a waste of life

Month 9:

Picking up broken pieces, step by step. Reaching out to old friends who had tried it all until they finally gave up.

Month 10:

Finally revisiting my first love, heading back to church. I had a foundation, clarity, vision, purpose, unending joy there and as much as I feel unforgivable, I know God hasn't given up on me. I'm heading right back

Month 11:

Searching for ways to get his job back, while asking friends and family how to locate his wife, all to no avail.

Month 12:

A letter in the mail....

********

Many times a man needs to lose, to truly understand value and to experiment, to accept results/answers. I've found that men don't listen. Plain and Simple! I am yet to find a man who would "take your word for it", it's practically impossible, until they fall, stumble or find out by themselves, all efforts to convince them are a big waste.

I pray this never happens to any one of us, but then again we need to constantly and fervently keep everything else along with our marriages in prayer. Many of us get to comfortable with situations that we forget the reason for our progress and achievements. The Lord who gives can take.

Well well, to all men, the value of a woman is beyond rubies and pearls and to all women, the value of a man is beyond smiles and body.

I want to love in all essence that I don't get lost in lust but lost in true love. Not to say that his smile isn't cute or that he isn't fine or that I don't scribble exes and ohs....lol...(by the way I have done this,*blush*...*covers face and shakes head*) but it is the extra that keeps a woman praying for the one she loves and that extra a woman has that ensures a man realizes her worth.

Naity people,

I'm exhausted but I wanted to blog

*big grin*

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#failed

Hiya ppl,

What's happening, I had plans to vlog today, get me all covered up in a video jabbering about my usual concerns, ideas and problems buuuut...it didn't work out.

Bubz and I made about 4 or 5 videos and realized that the sorta topic it is would require my army of ladies. Well well, since that venture failed, please check out my post on my other blog. Till next time, mucho amour.

God bless sweeties.

Nanyt

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The Horror of saying NO #fromthemouthofadramaqueen

The week went by fast and although sometimes I felt the clock just wasn't ticking fast enough...it actually flew by, all in all...

I'd start by giving a little insight into my past week's experience and then move on to the topic for today, hopefully I stay focussed.

It has been a while since someone has outrightly asked me for my number after very few short random, very random conversations. Of recent, it has just been talk, then "would you come over to...let's hang..." or maybe after a looong while can I get your pin or just random #DM's on twitter...

...but this week two guys asked me for my number, one I said NO, lol...n I didn't feel bad. To the other, I felt so bad, my mum had to tell me to toughen up jo...

So here's what happened, (don't worry, I wouldn't give too much deets so I don't bore you)...

This dude and I have randomly spoken, here and there...for me it was no biggy...I mean I didn't think he'd be interested in me the slightest bit.

A while back, I saw his age, which was 3 years younger and I'm just not the type that goes for younger guys....yea, yea, yea.."age is just a number"...but I have a preference of 2 - 5 years older.

Anywaiz, I ruled him out of my mind subconsciously, not that I even liked him in any way so there wasn't anything to rule out, he was just there. Earlier in the week, I noticed he had cleaned up, cut his hair and trust me now, I made a convo out of that. Only God knows who sent me. As we were talking, I mentioned that there are 2 possible reasons why he got that makeover:

1. He had a job interview or,

2. His girlfriend told him to.

Apparently, I had just dug a pit for myself. Who knew the kid liked me? I was just yapping sincere thots there. As he was explaining, he paused to say, btw I don't have a gf. Where were my "boy likes you" antennas? I'm thinking it's an overdose of keeping my heart under lock and key that made me oblivious.

The next day now, the kid walks in from the wrong entrance, which is my work place. How do I know it's the wrong entrance? He works at the opposite far end and it was likely that his shift started at 10am, so he came in a lil earlier so afterwards he could make the long journey down to his end. Well well, I notice him and I'm sittin' there bz wondering why he's walking in here, he was here yday but I didn't think it was much of a big deal.

Then he gets to me and starts rambling, for a moment there I was lost, I didn't get a word he was saying. Luckily I picked up the last few lines, "I don't normally do this but I was hoping we could exchange numbers".

Oh no! I felt soo bad. In my mind, I thot this boy, "why?" he just single handedly ruined our cordial relationship, becuz things are going to get awkward.

Home girl, replies, "aww, I'm sorry, NO"..lol (I felt awful), and the cherry on the cake...."that's sweet tho" (what a horrible attempt to make things better)...the kid smiled there for a minute and said, "ok", or so, truthfully I don't remember but it was bye-bye to me.

For a few moments there, I thot of better ways to reply him cuz I didn't want him to feel horrible, silly and I decided to add, "that's sweet tho", IMAGINE THAT!.

---------

My baby's one on April 8th and there's going to be a giveaway. Yes, a party pack...lol. I'm thinking there's going to be two rounds to the competition if there's a tie.

Starting now, the first follower to bring 5 new followers to my blog by April 8th gets one of four things.

1. A Love Rekindled or A Heart to Mend by Myne Whitman

OR, 2. Scarlet Thread or Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers

OR, 3. A forever21 $25 e-gift certificate

OR, 4. A $20 iTunes e-gift card

When you get the 5 followers, they are to comment on a post that they like and at the end of the post, type in, sent by Jane/John Doe, so I can ur keep count.

Unfortunately gifts one and two are open to Canadian and U.S residents only. Sorry :(

Let the games begin....

---------

When you try to change someone so much that they begin to become what you created, can you truly say that you love the person?

Lemme get more explicit...

I met Mr. X at a bar 3 years ago and I found out we had so much in common, gradually we developed mutual feelings, the more we hung out. As time went on I started noticing things in him that I'm not sure I can tolerate if we were to get married. Subconsciously, I started training him accordingly and I'm guessing unknowingly to him he started to shape up A-corrDingLy...but one day I got so carried away with the new man I was creating that I slowly fell out of love with Mr. X himself but instead with my clone, Mr. XY.

One day, it seemed like Mr. X woke up from a deep trance and decided to pack his bags and leave. I sat there questioning his drastic decision as I thought things were going great and to my surprise his exit speech ended with, "u stopped loving ME", meanwhile I thot I was giving him all the love any man could hope for.

For a long while I pondered on this, until I realized that he was totally right...I got so carried away with creating the man I want, I forgot to love the man I had.

As you know, I'm a lady of very few words...haha...so Imma make this brief, as this post has become longer than I expected.

Loving a person should be loving them in all their flaws and weaknesses, that we do not forget to grow together correcting those flaws and strengthening those weaknesses and we do not get carried away by the exercise of perfecting our imperfections. It should involve that with every milestone of growth/perfection we are grateful for ourselves and stronger to make it through.

To love is to complement, not to complete.

Complete urself and I'd complement u. Two become one, not halves become one.

Let's not get carried away by the struggle to create a perfect man/woman when we find the "right man/woman", because that focus diminishes what we have or what we could have had.

Have a beautiful weekend darlyns...

#kisses

p.s: I came across this post by BBB, earlier this week and I promised to share, enjoy!!

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Threesome

NO!!

Talk about misused privileges

Its soo hard typing from my bb but I'm willing to attempt it and as u alredi can tell its going to be a short post.

My answer to threesomes is NO. Capital En, Capital Oh. En Oh!

Ah ahn...first ure given the gift of sex for u and ur significant other. Husband and wife not girlfriend and boyfriend. Once ure married have sex everywhere, anyhow, anytime, with each other not with some rented sex partner. I mean, is this a circus?

Sex is a covenant relationship, pulling two loved ones closer, that's why most times it is strong enough to resolve arguments, it has the power to truly let by-gones BE by-gones.

Where's the love when ure sharing what's meant for u n Steve with Jonathan. Do u all of a sudden love Jonathan so much, ure willing to risk ur relationship with Steve. Steve sef is a mumu, well except he doesn't really love u, then he's a genius. What a way to have ur cake and eat it. A very pathetic way. Talk about nonsensing love to rubbish...

Let's not even get into the biblical meaning.

Judging on plain sight. After 'I do', no one else is welcome to our bed!

Ok, my fingers hurt.
Later my amigos, I hv another update for tonight. Btw crushthots is on twitter now. Pls follow her, :D. Thx

Twitter name: crushthots.

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Maybe "NO" might work

Happy new blessed month sweeties, I pray you find all you searched for last month, in this month and better...

Today I remembered a conversation I had sometime mid last year and in the second paragraph of the dialogue (yea, we were actually speaking not typing an essay but I like to think of it in paragraph form), the question was...

so....are you single and...

and I went: searching? oh no, single and not searching...

It's funny to me now because in the past few months, one would conclude that I'm searching for someone but I wouldn't say so exactly. Hmmm...now that I say it out loud, maybe I'm not ready to admit it to myself cuz I've never been the single and searching type. [between u and me, in some weird way every black guy I see that looks decent, I tend to wonder if that's him...#weirdo!!...I say NO to that iranu...lol...tonight it must stop!!]

Ok, *taking a few steps back*, lets take a few secs to define this "thing" that's going on with me. I'm not looking to play games, but I'm not looking to settle down. I'm not seeking to be engaged this year or next year, I just want to meet someone and be confident in the fact that "this is it" and we're comfy taking it step by step. No rushing, but certain that our eyes are fixed on each other. There, all cleared up! For a sec. there even I got a lil confused on what I want.

Dear Myne,

You put me inside tRuble o (rolling the R like the igbo's do), *now picking up a Canadian accent and moving along*, so last week, I'm walking down to work when "the bouncer guy" sees me. I notice him but I move my eyes, then I give myself a second to thing, ("this guy know's I saw him, I better not pretend") so I look at him a second time and he stops me.

*in my head, "Dear God, wish kine gbese be this now, I was soo close to work, too close"

Him: Hi

Me: Oh, hi (my famous, "oh, hi I didn't know it was u"....lol)

Him: I saw ur friend at the bar the other night.

Me: Really? (like, I was totally clueless)

He was there struggling to describe her and I pitied him and bailed him out...

Me: Oh xxx

Him: yea, yea, I told her to bring you to the bar next time.

Me: *I couldn't hold it in or prolong the convo, I just blurted out*...."I go to church" (meaning, na blad, we're not our types, lets get to stepping, sweetie...keep it moving)

Him: Even better

Me: in my head I did a double take....huh?

Him: yea, I pretty much don't do anything all day

Me: back in my head, "oh...kaaaay...where's this heading?"

Him: I just sit home all day staring at my baseball cards, I've got money you know?

Me: time for phase two, this convo is dead, I start putting up my gotta go shoes into gear...

Luckily, my dear get's the gist and begins his goodbyes...and my smile is wider...

Me: Alrighty bye....

note: always make sure you never say later, unless you genuinely mean to meet up again...if not say BYE! lol

---

So you think that's the end of the bouncer guy?

#fingerscrossed...I hope so......

IT WAS NOT!!

He showed up @ work today!!!!

Imagine that.

well of course my imaginery blindfold appeared and I went to talk to my manager bout only God knows what...

-----

As I was day dreaming (which I'm sure, y'all aren't surprised by) my thoughts bumped into this memory: my past with my ex...

My ex spoiled me in a many ways, for starters he hardly let me do things, like I was an egg. It was very admirable but the issue was my strong sense of independence, which sometimes caused minor arguments. Anywaiz, the original thought I had during my "daydreaming session", had to do with the fact that he always let me voice my anger and sort of take it all out on him, even though 85% of the time it didn't have a thing to do with him. Most times, it was some outsider who pissed me off.

Sooo, since I'm in the processes of correcting my faults and defects, I figured I'd work on this.

#thinkingOutLoud #sideComment.....to be honest, if we never broke up, we would never have broken up...makes sense?

-----

I'm thinking of starting a debate on my blog once a week or maybe bi-weekly...ok, I'm not exactly thinking about it anymore..lol...cuz I already have a debate topic...

Is it easier to let someone in or to let someone go?

What's ur opinion?

#NowShakinginAnticipationandGriningFromEarToEar

....waiting....

#kissesamigos

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