Brutal Realizations + Random Reflections

Hiya ppl...

wassup?

I was meant to blog last night but as I opened my dashboard, I fell asleep. It's been a long week. Oh, I finally wrote my GMAT....and I passed.....hallllleeeeelllllluuuuyaaaaah....that's one exam I never want to re-take.

This week the thought of what "ex" means crossed my mind, and I actually started to think about it in full length. I even looked it up. I'm aware that we don't bother saying "ex-boyfriend" or "ex-girlfriend" any more since we all fully grasp what we're speaking of when we mention "ex" in context.

Doing blog-rounds, I came across a few comments about never going back to your "ex" and the definition of "ex" struck me as "expired", but I actually want to understand why many people are under the impression that once a relationship is broken up, IT IS BROKEN UP!, there's no going back.

Personally, I don't agree or disagree with the dominant opinion as I feel that if a person has changed, then, why not?, and if the person is still the same, then, why go back? When unsure, move on!, that's my theory. Love is a boomerang, if it's yours it comes right back.

I was reading this post by Rita, where she supports my opinion on true love being a boomerang. (Before you read that post maybe you should read this). When love comes knocking, there's a big difference, you may not know from the onset, or you may know instantly, but when it comes right back, it would be undeniable. The truth is although we try to hang on to one million different guys/girls, in our journey to find the right person, when the right person does come along, it'll be easy to let go of everyone else. Here me sounding like, "I've been there, done that", (let's just say that's a common message I've drawn from many real life stories).

When you come right back to the same person, he or she would be one in the billion and the same goes for when you meet a totally new person that is "the one"

Last week, I took a moment to reflect on me and I came up with this: I'm good, infact I'm happy with me but when I dig deeper (I have some issues), if I were to describe my heart, it would be "shattered glass". I don't say this to be overly dramatic, which I can be sometimes....lol...but in all sincerity. I'm not weak or anything but I feel like although I've dated just one guy, I've let more than one in, which has had the adverse effect on my heart in such short periods. To say that I didn't know that I was sensitive would be a lie but as much as I tried to put 10 guards on duty 24/7 and chain the bullet proof gates of my heart, I somehow managed to tell the guards, "it's ok, let him in..he's with me." to a few. I'm not grieving or mad that this is how it feels inside, but surprisingly I'm sorta glad I've experienced this. When you go through something, it helps you appreciate good things when you have them.

Now, I'm fena pick up the pieces, one by one, try to glue it all back, while God completely seals every trace of a crack. It may take some time but the truth is I have to face the clear fact that I need to fix some things. I'm a wreck in so many ways, when I get brutally honest. It seems like we tend to focus on what we want in the next person without taking the time to see what should be changed in us for us to be better people. If I were to love me, there are things I would have to tolerate....and I don't want to be tolerated, I want to be loved inside, out, outside, in. I need to get this glass shined (and my individual polished as well, some things need to change!). No other man's trace should walk into my future with me. The past should be the past and the future shouldn't have to pay for the past. Here, "In the midst of her" share's a rather inspiring story...feel free to read.

Oh did I mention that the bouncer guy, remember the one from this post, actually likes me and according to him, he wants to "get with me", lol...first of all a guy that wants to "get with me" has lost 99 of a 100 points...lol...So one of my colleagues went to his club downtown and he saw her. Based on what I heard, this is how the dialogue went...

Him: Hi

Colleague"oh hi, xxx"

.....

.....

.....

Him: Next time when you're coming, could you bring H along with you?

Colleague: *starts smiling, with a 'why?' look*

Him:I think she's hot and I'd like to get with her

Colleague:*bursts into laughter* ("she doesn't go clubbing and u're sooo not her type sweetie")

.....

Monday morning, my other colleague tells me, "I have gist for you...and I'm curious, thinking I messed up somewhere or some customer came to complain...(don't ask why, I always think the worst at work before the best...bad, I know)

Minutes later, He's gisting me...and I start laughing, then he starts to tease me...then pretty much tells everyone else and before I know it we're all laughing....#coveringmyheadinshame...."I prolly shouldn't have laughed much but it was funny...well I left the scene after a minute or two cuz I didn't want to indulge the laughter for long...it didn't seem fair.

2 hours later, guess who shows up?

....

....

....

DING! DING!! DING!!!

You guessed right....the bouncer guy...

Me: (in my head, Dear Lord, please let another person assist him, please....) I tried to stall my customer...whilst...

My friend who gave me the gist decided to bail me out and I fara ba le-d (yoruba - 'calmed down')

"whew...too close"

Once we were all done, my friend tells me he deliberated for a second on whether to deliver me or not....lol...Imagine that? He's suppose to be my 'work bf'...lol...(he decided to bail me out from black boys and potentials... cuz I told him a few uncomfortable stories of customers hitting on me)

Moving on....

I was thinking about Recycle AND Reuse

What is this, you ask (haha...I always felt like asking this...so silly)

Do you think it's ok for your friend to date your ex?

Isn't it like recycling guys?

I think it's ok, depending on how close you and the friend are but then again if you were originally meant to be the link between them and you ended up dating the guy or girl before they met then who are you to stand in the way of true love. I donno sha...it'll be hard, but I guess, que sera, sera

Ok, I really should publish post and get ready for wek #ghanianaccent but one more thing.

I've come to a full realization and understanding that when I do get the chance to love someone, I love them with all my heart and I would go to great lengths till they understand how loved they are.

Alrighy, hab #phillipinoaccent a blessed day, lavs #againghanianaccent

Time to get ready for wek

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#scrap!

So today I finally jogged, the jog I've been holding off on for the longest time...and it was lovely, the wind, the weather, the swiftness, the music...very much needed, I must say #britishaccent...lol

Anywaiz, my peepo, una dey?

Again, the reply is "WE DEY O!"...so before every comment, I would like to see "I DEY O!"...lol..don't mind me, I'm just being silly, but I'm serious #straightface

To say that this week has been a breeze would be a big lie (and I really just wanted to cuddle up with my bf and express my worries, but no bf..#sobbsobb...lol). Its been a roller coaster ride...actually before I go on, I should probably say **BEWARE, LONG POST ALERT** as taught by my luvly Blessing..

...moving on...

I'm getting on the bus daily, like a robot now, not thinking much of my surroundings but about me, my life, my family, my career, my exams....oh heck, it's a large bubble of one million thoughts and concerns. I'm dumping it all at the masters feet cuz duh!!!...I can't handle it all on my own, but there's that constant worry that is pleading for my entertainment ...mschew...

imagine!. I'm fena do me and do me at its best and the rest, well God would do the rest. Mi o le kpa ra mi (translation: I can't kill myself)

On to gist worthy issues, I've been down memory lane this week as in ehn...no joke.

Starting Sunday after my fantabulous Saturday, on my way back from church, the bus just had to go by my ex's house...and trust, I was looking out the window and dreaming a million thoughts, reminiscing on a thousand memories and asking myself a 100 "what-ifs?"...

As if the first drive past was not enough, the driver decided to route the trip past my ex's second house, na in I con raise head, "bros dey send you?"...lol (btw, if u eva meet me in person or do know me already, do not ask me to speak this pidjin for you cuz u would be extremely

disappointed, lol...I even hope I typed it right #disclaimer)

After my successfully crappy valentines day, of course all my tv shows were about valentines and honestly I totally basked in the moment. This continued my mushiness for the week, past experiences and a few of my random love related thoughts obviously (well not that, that's all I think about but its just related to this blog, unrelated to love? would be on my other blog, that I sorta just revived today...lol)...

I'm not the sorta chic that requires much from a guy, I want to love you and be loved and beautifully, being loved and loving has its perks so I don't worry bout the material things because in some way they would come in words, actions, gifts etc at the "special and appropriate time"

Along the way I've come to the terms that I've felt so broken hearted one too many times that if the situation or potential of a broken heart would present itself, I'd be a big fool to accept such a chance. I was just reflecting on the millions of times I've let someone treat me less than I feel I deserve, much less...and the thought of it alone is SAD!...ES...AY...DEE...very very sad!

but to be fair, its never all bad. There are times I've felt the need to be with a person, just because the person makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside or just remembering the very little thoughful gestures, makes me want to get up from my bed and run into the arms of the person...Saying the person sounds soo redundant, lets call this person (that represents a few guys I've come across in my life); HIM, what a creative name eh? yea, thanks, I know! and I thought it up, all by myself. #biggrinandawink

After visiting Mynes blog a lot this week, I've learnt so much about the blessing of patience, its absolutely worth the pay. The true stories told were beautiful, thoughtful, real, I even ran out words to comment on her blog, the best that came to my mind was, "wow beautiful", each story left me in awe...well of course, I couldn't say, "wow beautiful" for all her posts, otherwise she might have banned me for taking up "comment space"

If a guy doesn't call you, text you, or shows any sign of "I'm thinking of you", then he quite frankly doesn't care much bout you, if you like jump off a cliff or drown in the river Jordan, he'd prolly only find out if you're important enough to be on CNN, that's if he even watches CNN...

On the more positive side, he wasn't thinking about you becuz u're not that important to him and you don't have a portion of his heart large enough to deserve a phone call, so keep it moving. Lol, I know it doesn't sound so positive, but it is...it's just a sign that tells you to look for another guy, no scratch that, be patient for the right man to come knocking on your door. Trust me, you want to wait for a guy whose heart you've captured, like The Wordsmythe captured Mo Cushlas, read about her 40th, to get my drift.

Moral of that lil piece: Don't blame the guy, move on, find a guy who thinks you're everything or that this is what you deserve:

Well, enough rambling about these ramblings...I spent my Saturday studying and ended it with poetry...:D.

Just a few:

I hope you enjoy watching the videos and listening to the songs or/and reading the posts on my blog.

Till I feel the burning desire, the need, the want...the crave...to blog again...ASTA LA VISTA....haha...I'm such a goof!

Goodnight
Sweeties.
muuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!

H

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My "LOVE"ly Saturday

Yea, I know, I know I blogged already this morning but well, I have more to say...

My day started with a prayer, it was so beautiful, I actually started praying from inside my sleep (kind of)...

then I had this strong urge to blog, even though I knew I shuda been gettin ready for work but oh well, work could wait...(haha, see me sharping mouth, I was up way too early so I had time to blog). For some reason, I was soo happy this morning and yet sad at the same time, it was weird. Well well, I got to the mall and headed straight to the new cupcake stand and ordered me some Red V's, some two expensive measly lil things, and I don't think I liked them much. I have definitely tasted better and cheaper.

The mall was soo packed, people were definitely tryna get their vals gifts, at least that's what I want to believe, I'm ignoring the fact that there were exhibitions, and other activities in the mall today...but seriously though, I'm certain valentines day had a whole lot to do with the over population.

I'm sure you're fully aware that songs are constantly being played at every mall (at most malls I've been to), but it's hard to pay attn to what's playing especially when you're working and focusing on other things but today every time I got to relax for a bit, I heard songs that I really like (all love songs..though, I'm guessing that was the idea or I just have the a love antenna). One of my favourites by the script, got me thinking, "there's love in the air"....haha, I'm so cheesy, I know...please feel free to judge me and my extreme dryness. lol

Well well, of all the many things that happened at work today, I would like to discuss just a couple. Brace yourself, as I'm bout to get into some serious talk talk as forbidn2us likes to call it.

There was this dude standing in line and my first thought was, "Chineke me o, see muscles", it was just all over the place, I like a firm man, arms and chest but not everywhere, NO!.

Guess who got to attend to him?

ME.

Of course, I ignored my thoughts, cleared my mind and attended to him respectfully. Apparently, I've helped him out before and he remembered that I wasn't wearing my glasses the last time and my hairstyle was different. hmm...

We got talking and although I could hardly hear most of what he was saying, I could pick out a few things.

• He's the bouncer at a night club
• His preference is black ladies

He said a lot more but like I said, I couldn't pick out most of it. Amongst it all, he told me a few stories bout how and why he likes black girls, what he thinks about them etc, etc. Apparently, when he was younger he hung out with an older white guy (I just used style to tell you he's white, btw), who was dating a black lady, he had so much fun and he thought to himself, "wow black girls are fun". Later on in life, he noticed he was more drawn to black girls than white. According to him, white girls are way too easy to get and they pretty much fall at his feet, but with a black girl, it takes a crap load of time and a whole lotta effort. Enough bout the story...

It got me thinking about how many of us have racial preferences, not because we are racists but because it's a PREFERENCE, I don't think its wrong at all. There are just some people we relate to better as a result of culture, morals, tradition, etc.

An igbo village man would probably want a village girl, just because he feels they'd get themselves more and the chances of him finding an Indian/Chinese/White girl from his village are very slim so based on that he is more interested in a black girl...

(btw, while this story was going on, I sat down there hoping this guy wasn't going to throw a "can I get your number in my face", cuz that always complicates things and I mean this is my job, there are people I hide from each time they come into the bank...cammman...lying and hiding at work? one would think I'm having an affair)

This girl and her friend come in and as we're gisting and laughing, she talks about this party she's going to, tomorrow and how she's gotta get some shoes, etc, etc...and at some point she asks me if I know bout the party and I'm like, "nope",

She: "you don't party?"

Me: "nope"

She: "do you have a boyfriend?"

Me:"no"

She: "cuz there pretty much isn't anything else to do unless you have a bf, I mean what do you do for fun?"

Me: "day dream about having a bf, ok no I'm messing with you, I really don't find partying fun"

She: "when you had a bf, did you?"

Me: "no, we didn't find it fun"

The koko of the matter is that, she basically made a point, which was that the reason, she goes partying is cuz she didn't have a bf. Altho to many of you, it may not be shocking but to me, hearing it out loud, sounded rather shocking. I for one, feel like most parties are just grinding and getting drunk. Of which the girl is basically burning some gym time, cuz she does all the work and the dude just stands there half the time. I can't say that its fun to watch, cuz once the guy's got his fix, he's on to the next till he finally decides on the one he's taking home that night. Everyone gets drunk, high and the only positive thing is that the girl might have dropped a few pounds.

I would also have expected something more along the lines of, "it's fun". The absence of a guy in a girls life truly propels her to do things she may or may not find fun just to find "him".

I'd occupy myself with the things money can buy. (flight tickets, musicals, shopping, bowling, visiting friends, theme parks, getting lost in adventure, etc) :D, while I wait.

[I forgot to mention my James Bond movement, lol...I was really feeling like sum underG sumbody today. We're not allowed to go on other sites besides bank related sites but earlier on, I had seen a tweet by Myne, that I just couldn't read on my fone for some reason...so I sneaked and read it at work...yay me...]

After work, I headed for this love concert. To say the very least, it was awesome. A lot of it was about God's love, which is true undisputed, undeniable love. The love of a Champion. A short message about love was shared with us about the three types of love: Philos, Eros and Agape.

In very few words, Philos is a love based on friendship, could be as a result of the same nationality, "we work in the same place", "we like similar movies", "we have loads in common"...etc

Eros is erotic love, "this babe, I love you, u're sexy and hawt". The Pastor, at this point asked the ladies, "when a guy says, I love you, you're hot, what do you say?", strangely we all replied in loud unison, "you run"...lol (cuz clearly he doesn't know what love is). We all laffed so hard and he said, "you say, 'what do you mean?', as in what do you mean by love?"

and finally the best love; Agape, which is unconditional. The love that loves you in spite of your faults, weaknesses, wrongs...the love of God that no one else can give if God is non-existent. Now that's the love I'm interested in.

I want to be loved in my shame, weakness, nastiness, bitterness, with all my faults, defects...in all my mess. A love that gets stronger and deeper with time. Later on at the concert, couples were told to stand up and say how long they've been married for and wow, the oldest couple was married for 51 years (this lady looked 51 and I'm sure she didn't get married at zero).

I want a love that gets stronger with each wash, a love that never fades...Agape, is a love you pray for, you don't just gan pluck it from a tree...its supernatural, cuz luvn sum1 like that is very much like madness, its like being a "way-ray". (she adds 80 pounds, u love her, he gets a pot belly you love him, he constantly indulges in all the nasty habits u've been correcting for the past 30 years, u still love him, she gets all wrinkled and old, while u're looking fresh, and you still love her)

Ooh ooh, I didn't mention that on the bus the guys were almost swallowing their gf's, what's with that? it usually is the other way around, during this period. At some point if any of those girls disappeared (from being swallowed), I wouldn't have been surprised...lol. PDA was all over the place.

NO, I'm not jealous...lol...but to say that it wouldn't have been nice to have a bf (not for PDA o, cuz I am not a fan @ all), would be a lie.

To end the night, I treated myself to a cheesy chick flick, "Just like Heaven", imagine luvn sum1 so much and they forget you (while you're still there luvn them), reminds me of "the Notebook". It's painful!

With my long post I hope I have been able to express myself w/o boring you to sleep (read this the way we closed our debates in high skool, "I hope I've been able to convince you and not confuse you that bla bla bla...lool).

Goodnight cupcakes

mwaaah!

p.s: If you haven't watched the Notebook, I'd be here praying for you...my friend, gan watch it...I can't watch it anymore tho, I'm numb.

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Crazy In Love

First of all,

lemme thank all of those who have updated their blogs "with immediate alacrity" (did anyone else hear this in high skool or was it just at mines?), since my last post. Although some of you coincidentally updated when I needed you to, still thanks....mwah! mwah!! mwah!!!...

Secondly, please do not be offended by the title of my post and the contents, it just seemed appropriate but somehow it also feels a lil offensive which is not my intention AT ALL.

When I see, hear bout people who are in worse cases than I am, all of a sudden my problems become so itsy-bitsy. Forget about daily struggles for a minute and consider those who were either born mentally ill, or became mentally ill at some point in their lives. That in itself is a struggle, not to speak of their own individual storms, which I'm sure they have. They may not be able to convey a lotta their feelings to us, but there are definitely things I bet hurt them. Thinking along these lines, it hurts to think that this is the way they are, they've been living and might live for a long time. They require constant care giving, some from ages 0 till 90...and I think my life is hard?

On to my story...

there's this dude that takes care of four mentally retarded guys (ages 45 to 60), who comes to the bank with them at least once a week, to assist with their banking. At first when I saw them, I freaked out for a minute because I didn't think I'd be able to relate to them without bursting into tears, but thankfully, I've grown to develop a relationship with them, understanding their way of life and truly giving time to get to know how they relate and what they use their 24hours for. Without too much yapping and jabbering, "It's an experience".

The way the home works is that it keeps them busy; shopping, bowling, dancing, bike-riding, just to get them out of the house, having fun in any way they can. Last week, they had a dance, where they dressed up like they were going to a prom. They got to hang out with some chics, whoop, whoop...I was happy for them....lol....but as we got talking, the care giver mentioned that he's prolly been to about 1000 dances, it's pretty much the same old music and the same old jig...lol...(meanwhile I was lounging on their cloud 9), but the funny thing is that it could be like a brand new experience for them because they seem to have the mind and heart of kids, for them it could have been, "we ONLY get to go once a month".

Last night, the care giver showed up with 2 of them and in one of his transactions, he asked for a $40 withdrawal for James, (James was in his biker jacked, all decked up, looking cool...just to give you an idea). Matthew, his caregiver goes on to say James is goin on a valentines date with his girlfriend and I'm like awww...and to think I was thinking that the best thing they did was go dancing, for some reason, it didn't cross my mind that they would have girlfriends and go on one-on-one dates. I had a magical firework explosion, there and then. Then Matthew went on to telll me bout the venue, etc. The look on James' face was absolutely "love", James uttered a few words but I can't remember what it was, I was simply in awe, at that moment, his story seemed to trump every other love story I have ever heard. Although I was doing my job, my actual self, stepped out of my body, moved over to an empty spot, arm under my chin, eyes staring/glaring and listening like I was in a fairytale.

In short, in all works of life, no matter what our status is, (mentally ill, perfectly sane), God has given each and everyone the ability to love. Its one feeling that can truly be felt, if only we allow it.

Since last night, I have come to re-define my love expectations, "I want to be so in love that it gets absolutely retarded". In the wordsandvoice of DBanj, "love is a beautiful thing"

#kisses amigos.

Time for work

#nowholdingontomyheadboardscreamingNOOOOOOO, Idon'twanttogooooooooooo....

lol

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Goose Bumps

Hiya me luvies,

First of all, where did all my favourite bloggers go? Everyday, I'm tryna do blog rounds and only bout 3 bloggers have updated...What's wrong people? life? Yea, I know, sometimes it does that eh?

...but please find sumtime to gan blog, joh...I want to do small aproko and BSNC, if u ask me what aproko is ehn...I'm fena come down ur end and give u a brief naija lingo lesson (haha...I'm sure my razz list is exhausted already)

Anywaiz, without further ado, lets get down to bidness...I'm bout to expose a few of my goo-ey weird luvy duvy feelings....

I was off work yesterday and it wasn't that I didn't have anything to do o...I get wek #ghanianaccent, plenty plenty, no be small, but whilst I was busy, I was doing a lotta thinking as well.

If you own a blackberry, you know what the signs D and R with a tick mean and if you don't, lemme briefly explain.

The tick on its own means sent

The tick and a capital D, mean delivered

and the tick and an R, mean the person has read your message.

Well, as I mentioned, there was this guy I liked right, (I like the way I say "liked", I guess we could call that positive confession, cuz I want to unlike him, ok scratch that I need to unlike him)....

ok, moving on...when I see D, sometimes I find myself checking every 5 mins to see if its an R and if its an R, why isn't there a reply yet...98% of the time there is a reply if there is an R, the other 2%, there's a distraction, so I have to chill for the reply....

A deep show of concern for the things I talk about which may not even really be that important are one of my weak points, the mere fact that u give me the time and show me quality concern earns u like a chunk of points...

...on top of that u're not just showing that you care but u're asking constructive questions and tryna help me out...talk bout being a total sucker for attention.

Amongst my millions of thoughts I remembered when I first met this guy face to face...Chineke me o....lol...I had to instantly bbm happy feet before I crossed over to say hi to him, he looked soo much cuter in person. I had never had that reaction over any guy in my entire twenty something years, so it was something new and different. I liked the feeling...lol...I guess its cuz I liked him before I met him and I expected him to fall way below expectation, appearance wise... sometimes underestimating is good, cuz truthfully as cheesy as it may sound my heart skipped a bit and a half and if it had skipped a half more, I mite have been dead...haha....ok I'm exaggerating but it skipped one beat, I guess it was the nervousness of the first meet coupled with the pleasant surprise.

Oh, his laugh, his smile...oohm oohm ohhm, I remember it so clearly (see me talking like its been years since we spoke, its only February, December really wasn't that long ago), it's too cute and adorable. I'm sure u've seen this in movies or felt it yourself...so no need to fully explain...

Any guy who can hold a sensibly, interesting and funny convo with me deserves a few stars...(reciprocally interesting) I remember the long nights talking about sometimes absolutely nothing, other times controversial issues, arguments, name it...we had alla dem talks...the weird thing about it was that I found out that we had so many things in common but I couldn't point them all out cuz I didn't want it to sound like lies, you know how ppl go, "oh, me too" "ah, me too".

Last summer I kept talking to my girl friends about how I didn't want to get serious with any guy, I just wanted the pleasure of LNBBB, which is what I called it, (ok, stop wondering what it is...lol...I was just tryna feel cool with myself back then, it simply means "late night black berry bolding") and I got my wish (prayer) with a huge slap of mushiness, what was I thinking was going to happen? I didn't bargain for any genuine feelings, it was meant to be good company, nothing more. I regret the request, somehow, but to be truthful, I enjoyed every minute of it.

Remember in this post where I mentioned that I could day-dream for you, me and in fact everyone, well I've been day-dreaming for a few other planets too, it's simply pathetic.

Out of all my many contacts, pretty much no one else mattered, as in once I heard my fone beep, I honestly didn't want to see any other name...(that's not good right? I know, don't judge me...lol, but that's how I felt)

One last thing, am I the only one that thinks that arguing in a relationship builds a better relationship, (of course depending on what and why u're arguing, if its just to impose then maybe it's not so healthy)...

My goo-ey list is much longer than this but I can't possibly tell you how much of a sucker I've been for the past few months, its shamefully unhealthy or is it unhealthily shameful?. I feel like I'm doing a lotta make-believe. I've even committed this into my prayers, I need to just get the dude out of my mind totally. 100%.

Y do I seem to still be stuck in this cocoon. I need a distraction! seriously!, I need help.

I'm going to confess something, with every guy I've been able to get over, I've sorta needed a new guy to occupy my mind, I don't like that, I want to truly be single if I'm single, in my mind and physically. The guy is moving on with his life and I'm still dreaming, that's so unclassy. I'm classy, I'm always classy, I'm meant to be classy, what's going on?......heeeeeeellllllpppp....lol

A bit over-dramatic? lol

Can I just unfeel this?

I want to be on a sincere man-cation. "Sincere" being the action word, what I'm doing right now feels like self deceit. I keep tryna think of all the bad things that happened along the way, all the unbearable negatives but still my efforts are all to no avail. I need my mind to convince my heart a lot more than it's doing right now...

Once my exams are over, I'd become a work-a-holic, pick up more shifts, read more of my novels, blog more...etc. I'm going to take my single life to a whole new level till I'd become one of those career-obsessed independent single ladies....

#nowsingingSINGLELADIES

Good nyt Angels.

Oya pls gan blog, remember I need good distractions...

#kisses

H

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Happy LOVE month!!

Boy o' boy, have I been so out of sight (blog-wise) lately?

I've been busy. Life and its silly hurdles...mschew...y can't we just chill, be rich, happy and do whatever we want, whenever we want?

Anywaiz, I've had so many things I wished to blog about almost everyday but I didn't have the time to sit and type, but with this new month, I figured I have to, esp. since this is my blogs celebratory month. After all, its a love blog right?

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My peepo...

HEY..

Those who are roasting this valz day, can I get a

HEY, HEY...LOL

Don't worry, I'm with you. lol

Last week, my ex officially deleted me from his life. To cut the very loong story short, he did the right thing. Its extremely painful cuz he was more of less my best friend, but I would get through this. He wants me back and I don't want to jump back into an old relationship orany relationship for that matter unless I'm sure of a leading in that direction. Hanging around, us being friends and all just makes things blurry and harder.

Ok, there's more gist but I'm feeling to withhold a bit for now.

Just me, me, me is more of a priority...I'm the star of my life, no one should be center stage! (maybe that sounds a little self centered but u know wot I mean, right?)

so #dearfuturehubby, when u're feeling to let me know where ur hiding, pls don't hesitate cuz...well...#nuffsaid.

I feel like I've been hurt way too many times, and I'm sick of my posts being about how hurt I am...bla bla bla....mschew....Imma get over this, by the end of February, no more hurt posts...deal? DEAL! (btw, that's y'all replying, "DEAL"...lol)

I watch a lotta old couples come into the bank, and they are the cutest...Imagine being in love for 60 sum'n years and looking like you just fell in love a year ago at most. Its beautiful!

The holding of hands, the pecking on the cheeks, the sharing of jokes. My favourite is, "Can I please take out a few dollars, I want to give my baby HIS allowance...lol" too QT!

They laugh at their jokes, like there's an unfinished list of jokes, I mean, you would think that by now, they've laughed at all there is to crack up about right? Absolutely magical...

In the past month, I wondered about the vow, "in sickness and in health"...

I met a couple, an ill man and a fully functional lady, and I imagined that they must not have met under those conditions, not to say that they married for health or anything but usually both people are healthy when they get married.

God forbid that there is an extreme sickness that develops in your spouse, how long would you be able to handle it?, how many times would you ask yourself, "why me?", would you sit by his/her bedside and love him all the more? would you imagine what your life would be like if you had just remained single?, how far does your love stretch?

When you recite your vows, how imaginative do you get on the possibilities of sickness, death at an early stage of marriage? How confident are you in the feeling that "this love I have for you is real, and I would be there in the good and bad no matter how stormy".

Until I can confidently say to myself that I'd be there for as long as it could take in the bad, love is non-existent between me and you...

Anywaiz me luvies, this princess has to get back to reality.

#kisses

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