Friday, October 22, 2010

Woozy Woozy

LOL, I know the title is very much stolen...haha...:p


Its been a while since I've actually felt woozy woozy...
Feels weird using ChiDynma's words, but anywaiz...I feel what the babe is talking about. You know those butterfly feelings you get when a certain someone comes around?, yea, those...that's what "woozy woozy" means, at least I believe that's what it means.

When I was dating my one and only ex, I had those feelings a lot and our first break-up more or less had to do with the fact that he didn't have them. Imagine that!

Well as time went on and we let go, then let close, then let go...he began to develop those feelings and I began to really "unfeel" woozy woozy, cuz I hate to be the one chasing, even if I'm not physically doing it. I just hate to like someone who doesn't like me back...is that selfish?

When I finally broke it off...as in DONE! DONE!! DONE!!!...he was all woozed out. Funny how things turn. Well I still like him, but not in that way and I just can't go back, u know...there's that one thing that's missing...u know when u wait around for so long and nothing happens, u sorta give up.

Recently, I got all woozy woozy bout someone, which was the original essence of the post. We are in two different parts of the world and I have met him before but during this period of my wooziness, we never actually met. The sad story here is that I had to let go...

Why?

Well, he's an unbeliever. :(

In the words of a wise friend, "Well H, u know u're going to have to 'unlike' this dude rite?"...LOL

So in my process of unliking, I have decided to update u all and hear from u. I love hearing from u guys, u're definitely an inspiration, there's beauty in this online family, where people give advice like u're their sister, daughter, cousin or tight friend...funny how we've never met but at the same time we've met.

I would love to feel woozy woozy for the right person, real soon...On 20.10.2010, the word I violoently requested from God came in so many forms and directly from the pulpit at the mid-week service...

He said to me, "WAIT"

I leave that same word with those of u that are wearing my louboutins.
#kisses.
H

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

20.10.2010

I'm off work today and its not that I have nothing to do, I do o...but I've got thoughts, a truck load of them dancing around in my head so I decided to pick on that relates to my blog and well, update y'all...

Also, lemme not lie, I wanted to make sure I had a post on 20.10.2010...lol. I was doing my blog rounds when I noticed the sequence on Matthew's blog. (Trying not to take the honor here, @ least from those of you who didn't notice :D)

Ok, the real title of this post is meant to be
How in the world did this happen?

...but like I said that 20.10.2010 was chooking my body...lol

One minute we're talking, the next minute we're really keeping in touch and before I know it, my heart dey jump...uhm..."excuze me plix, whats goin on 'ere?"

I was just about to spill my guts but the time isn't right. I've just given u a sneak preview...lol..don't I just crack myself up? #rhetorical.

The way this whole crushing, liking, loving, marrying life cycle plays out is really a work of art. How is it that you don't intend on getting fond of someone, I mean u even make a conscious effort to avoid getting fond of the person and for some odd reason, before you can get out its like you've fallen too deep.

At times, we think the dude is ugly, but then we still like him. Other times, his English is just too bad, u don't think u can ever adjust...lol...u know it does happen. Love is deaf too o, my peepoo...dey there.

In my church, we just started this singles and married fellowship, once a month...well last week, this lady was talkin bout how she met her hubby...(btw, my friends gisted me, cuz I was at work that evening, I'm disclosing now cuz I know they'd just come n put me on blast...lol)

It was at NYSC...U know that's where they say most Nigerians meet...she was playing wiv sum'n I don't remember exactly what it was...then he saw her and started doing the exact same thing on the other end (see old skool scopes now)...once she saw him...she ran away...lol...how cute. When they finally 're-met', he told her he was going to marry her...I think she laffed. Obviously, she took it to the Lord in prayer...LOL...if my memory serves me right...even when God confirmed that "yes o, that is your husband", she always went back to pray again...lol...u know how u meet ppl that don't quite match what u were hoping for...lol..then u go back and keep asking God, "God, did u hear who I told you about? are u sure of what u're saying?" that was her issue. This just wasn't it for her...

Today, they are happily married, I mean u shuda seen the guys face when his wife got back from Naij after a month or two...talk about a glow...he looked like he had won the lottery...and NO, they are not newlyweds.

What was my original convo sef...one sec...lemme scroll up...lol (I do this all the time...gawsh...#nowattemptin'tostayfocussed

In short, don't discount the relationship you can develop with a person. Each person is equally as important as the last but be careful that its not one of those relationships that are potentially destructible. Sometimes we push people away so much that we end up harming ourselves in the end. Prayer is key, my luvz.

#back2reallife.
Much luv, sweets
H

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Long Distance

What's the success rate for long distance relationships?

2%, 5%, tops 6%?

Is there even a point engaging in one? Is it a confirmed potential heart break we refuse to believe would actualize? do we just want to live in the moment? or do we actually believe it'll all work out?

Of course there's love that's strong enough to withstand distance but majority isn't...well obviously. I think it works out well when two people are together for a while before they finally separate, say for school or something, with a certainty of a reunion within a given time frame.

On the flip side, say you're retweeting a tweet that was previously retweeted by your friend and the originator of that tweet notices you, then decides to follow you. 2 months down the line he say's something that was again retweeted, then you follow him. As time goes on, you exchange pins...now convos have moved to your bbm, 2 weeks - 2 months down you exchange numbers, before we know it, after 4 months of knowing yourselves you're skyping and well at that point you notice your feelings don pass tweets and chats, there's actually chemistry. Now u're in trouble cuz dude is in Houston, TX, USA and you're in Montreal, QC, Canada...then what? do we start visiting? are we taking this to the next level? whats the deal? do we have plans of relocating, somewhere down the line?

In ur mind u're freaking out...Oh my, I didn't plan for this? what did I get myself into? I don enter ooooo

Some would say, break-up while its still early...but u knooowww, that ah...this one doesn't feel like any other...u're obviously battling to explain but no one knows exactly what you mean except they're wearing your black bejeweled pumps with 3 little roses at the side...at that point u prolly just wanna rip your heart out, package it in a lil red box, put it aside and get on with your life...

For some its really not that serious...but for someone like me...whooah...I donno if I can handle it...so I'd try not to think into the future and let each day work itself out but I think that's avoiding reality but something inside me tells me to just hand it all to God and let him do what he does best...handle it for me!

Sometimes,

the two parties are willing to put in all the extra effort to sustain it, which I believe only works when they are fully convinced that they are meant for each other...and even then sometimes (actually almost all times) its a rocky road. The heart wants what it wants and when it cannot physically see, hug, hold...its like...uhm...I mite as well just let go and hope that someone in this hood, would have the exact same effects as the overseas brotha had, rite?

I'm of the belief that if the dude is yours or the chic is yours she'd come right back. No need to worry so much bout it...I must say tho...its hard sha o! It takes a truck load of courage, determination, avoidance, and sometimes it's like punishing yourself for a bit...

Well well.
Such is life, and sometimes we meet to break-up.

:(
H

p.s: As I was editing this post, I remembered this dude I liked in high school, we talked once in a while cause I had left Naija while he stayed there for an extra year...the day he got back to America (which by the way reduced the distance by a looooaaaad), as in that very day...I said something which pissed him off, I mean of course to me, it made absolutely no sense but well he was pissed (realizing this now...I apologised...obviously...u know this boy started treating me like I was a nag, or some trash he couldn't associate with, ignored me for the longest time...I was shocked, as in disgustingly shocked) and that was the end of our somewhat makeshift LD relationship.

#okbye.
Oh I've forgiven him tho :)

Monday, October 11, 2010

Virgin or NOT!

A friend of mine, B asked me; "Would you prefer virgin hubby to a dis-virgined hubby?"...
I'm like...I don't have a preference...

First of all, not all "non-virgins" sleep around...they cuda messed up once b4 n realized that they never should have...but then the point is that they learnt right?

If God requested a meeting with me and he asked me to list 100 things that would make my perfect man,...quite frankly his virginity wouldn't be one of the things that I would consider.

I believe that majority of guys do not learn till they've tried it out themselves...I find men are way more inquisitive than women are...(to prove my point whats the gender ratio of ppl in science?....EXACTLY!)

Now a dude who has messed up appreciates his salvation more, he appreciates his current standing and it has greater value to him...I believe he is certain that he's never goin back. Most people who have never been in a situation before find it hard to define certain actions...the most you would get from them is, "It is bad!".

AGREED!...its not everything that everyone must try out but still...most men are likely to try out sex early in life and are late to believe that a God exists...so they never get to fully understand the reason's they should never have slept around till later on in life. Many that do withhold, do so because they are very fearful of their parents, no one ever agreed to sleep with them or...I donno...they cuda just been too scared.

The bible talks about the two becoming one. This is also in related to the sexual ties. When you sleep with someone, you create a tie with that person, a covenant. (I remember gisting y'all in one of my posts of things that happened to folks who slept around and couldn't explain why they were going through several things in their own lives right after...may sound lame, but it does happen...e.g I remember one of the stories being a dude who slept with an addicted female smoker, just once...afterwards, he kept craving cigarettes and just couldn't place his finger on the reason for his craving...he thought the habit was nasty, but it had become his craving...of course this is a mild one...but these covenants are real)

Once I was at a youth conference where there was a Pastor who said he married as a virgin, while the others were like, "u try o!", cuz well they all didn't...

I noticed the difference in both...the point of view of the Pastor who married as a virgin wasn't so real for me...I liked to hear from the ones who weren't virgins...cuz it was more insightful...u know they had been there, done that and were certain that it just wasn't right...

In short sha, as much as I don't want to carry gbese from all the women my hubby could have slept with,(of which there is deliverance for, and old things have passed away anyway...), I don't mind if he's had sex before or not.

Well I have no preference...but due to the fact that covenants result from sexual activity with ppl...a virgin is preferred. Well of course, all this gist is based on the fact that these ppl r now believers and realize that sleeping around is wrong.

H

Friday, October 8, 2010

S.O.S

*tear drop*
*tear drop*
*tear drops*
*tear droooppps*

#nowcrying.

You see, I'm all about being patient, letting the Lord work through me, choose for me, lead me, hold me, guide me and all but I would be lying if I said I never once get confused.

Lately, I've talkin to a lotta guys...well not on a slutty level but on a "lets be friends" level and whatever happens next, happens... The bible says to guard your heart with all diligence, which is exactly what I'm doing. I hate to repeat that I've been through a heart break or two before but I have and well that's a part of my life now and it affects any person that could potentially have a chance cuz I'm very stingy to love till I'm sure. (of course when I'm sure u get me; 100%, but prior, its just not going to work out that way again)

Enough of all this grammar...the issue here is, ok well there's no issue as such but what's on my mind is the fact that I don't think I'm ready....

WAIT!!!!

Am I getting nervous?
Ok, lets take this again...

I want to meet the guy but I don't want to be involved...I'm in a "late night blackberry bolding, long distance" phase. Would you call that immaturity or would you just say "I'm just not ready" which I'm not, but I am...:s I'm in the mood to be expressive, loving, caring, friendly (not flirty) and well get all those in return but just not ready to dive back into the dating (well I'm not dating anymore, but courting, when he comes along) pool, just yet. That's not selfish, is it?

Well of course sometimes, I want a boyfriend (or like, I like to call it now, manfriend, lol...) but in reality I don't...

I'm in the mood for my friends to get married...me, go for weddings, I wanna get married by 25, which is close but then again, I am not ready for the pre-wedding phase...or rather pre-proposal phase...

At this point, u're prolly thinkin' I'm a lil psycho...or do u think I'm being selfish? wanting a bit of it now and not all. I wanna make decisions with someone, love and be loved...care for the person and all but there's just something I'm not ready for and I donno what it is.

Oh, oh there's something else...I want a baby girl...lol...yea, as in now...lol...not that I'm thinking of when I get married I would have this number of children...yadi yada...family planning sturvs...I mean now...lol...it totally jumped right out of the blues but I want one...lol...Do you see why I think there might be issues with me? If u've been following my blog, u'd know I'm not the type to run out to the streets and just rape some guy that's willing to give me his produce (hahahaha...his produce, I felt like being razz there)...you know what I mean jo...

There's no room in my life now for a baby but I'm really feeling the whole idea...I'm definitely going to have to wait on that one but if u've had similar problems as I'm having now, HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPP....I wanna feel normal again. lol

I'm also meeting a lotta unbelievers, which is soo not in the plan at all, at all...but then again we meet people not just for our sakes but for their sakes so...oh well. On the flip side, who said a gurl who wants a fire brand dude can't meet him as an unbeliever...and marry him as when he's all "genuinely" fire-branded.

....AND YES, I know I'm not a converter...I'm just saying...let God do what he wants to do...don't write anyone off. Thats a lesson my mum and Red have taught me...imagine if sum1 who changed ur life wrote u off, the day u met...the experience u had the memories u share would be non-existent...so yea...there's my 2 cents for the day...

Now please address my issues...lol
#sendingatruckloadofkissesyourway :D

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