Monday, July 26, 2010

Necessary Intimacy

I take absolutely no credit for this post, as I got it from a FACEBOOK friend...I hope this teaches us a few lessons as it has taught me.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said,
I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed
the hurt in her eyes.


Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I
was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.


She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and
shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She
was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to
Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!


With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she
could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.


She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten
years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted
time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved
Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had
expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of
divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer
now.


The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the
table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast
because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.


When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so
I turned over and was asleep again.


In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything
from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in
that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her
reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want
to disrupt him with our broken marriage.


This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how
I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.


She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our
bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to
make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.


I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought
it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,
she said scornfully.


My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms.
His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then
to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes
and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside

the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I
could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this
woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There
were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its
toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.


On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning.
This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.


On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing
again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month
slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.


She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but
could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown
bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why
I could carry her more easily.


Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.


Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him,
seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his
life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I
turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last
minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally.
I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.


But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my
arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly
and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.


I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I
was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane
opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce
anymore.


She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever?
She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My
marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of
our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that
since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her
until death do us apart.


Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the
door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.


At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The
salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you
out every morning until death do us apart.


That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up
stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even
notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the
whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the
divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....


The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is
not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an
environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So
find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other
that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!


H

Friday, July 16, 2010

Pen Pals

...was on my way down to check my mail, when Mrs. Clementine was leaving her apartment too for the same reasons. We laughed and gisted on the way down. Our elevator ride was filled with so much laughter.

Got to my mailbox, NO mail :( [...was hoping the government of CA had decided to mail us a cheque this month but all I got was "pizza, buy one get one free", "u are cordially invited to.."...so by no mail, I mean no mail of importance].

Mrs. Clementine was holding the door for me so I wouldn't have to unlock the door with my keys (yes, we do get lazy sometimes...). As she approached her mail, she told me what she was expecting...she was hoping that her pen pal had written her from South Africa...oh how QT. (the rush of the 90s, when pen pals were so in. I remember watching kTV, when the host would read letters from pen pals, and I would sit there wishing for a pen pal...yea yea, I could actually just get up and write to someone rite?, but trust me back then, we didn't even have a post box, where would I have dropped the mail, I don't even think we had a mail box...lol)

At first, I had thought it was a letter from a guy her age. Say, hypothetically, she's 50. The guy is 29. In my mind, I was like, "lady, I don't flow too well with 'sugar mummys'..."...As if she read my mind, she goes, he still hasn't found a woman yet, he's so this and that...such a lovely guy...then back in my mind again, I was like, "is she trying to sell this dude to me?", and again, like a mind-reader, she says, "he should be coming next year, he takes care of his mum, so he hasn't got much free time, when he comes I'd introduce you to him..."
I bet u all know where we are going already......back to my mind....lol...
so I was like, "u go fear hook up now, well I'm not interested in a 30 year old man!" *arms folded, eye-brows raised, head turned to the right, lips positioned upset and rebellious*

I courteously, said bye to Mrs. Clementine and left her with her pen pal...on my way up, I thought..."I want a pen-pal..." #just4funtho.

How many of you have a pen-pal, or even ever thought of having one?

H
P.s: I don't even know what her name is...I doubt its Mrs. Clementine. lol

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Whats with the INVITE?

I'm still trying to understand why people invite total strangers to be their friends on FB. Several times, I've looked for the link between me and the person but never really found a reason to add so I ignore. It came to a point where when I looked through my friends list, I didn't know almost 20% of the people on my list. (thats when my power, ability to ignore friend requests became rampant...HAHAHAHAHA....lol)

Enough with the intro.
Here's my story...

I'm sure we all get the regular letters from our fellow yahoo yahoo boys who want to marry you. The ones that can't sleep without you or last a day longer without you. There are those who flip through your pictures and wonder where you've been their entire life(but you've never met these folks before o...),then those who cannot believe such a beauty like you exists...

desperation is sad.

passing thought:Why do people think that everyone who lives abroad is rich? its one of those misconceptions that I can't quite fully grasp. When u go back home, the entire world expects something from you when they know u've been in skool, STUDYING not SHOPPING! <---I'd like to take gifts back home for as many people as possible so I'm just going to stay here till I'm rich enough for such a lifestyle...LOL

Anyways back to my FB story...
Recently, I got this message

Hey swty i dnt knw i've jst suddenly been missin u lately and havin dreams about u espacialy when i jst heard this new song by alica keys un thinkable, i knw it might not really relate to us but every time i hear the song i think of u especialy yesterday, its not like pamela and i are fighting infact every thing has been wonderful btw us but i dnt knw i tot i've gotten over u but it jst keeps comin back un announced and y me cause im sure it does'nt happen to u like this....lol any hw hope ur okay , its almost like u've totaly abandoned me thats y i get angry when i feel like this cause i knw u've totaly moved on and i should accept that but its had.

this guy had forwarded it to so many people and I was like, "Uhm...I bet you're really thinking about me...INDEED!" (how can he think about me and then forward it to like 23 ppl...?, u get my drift?)

but then...
here's what happened, he's not the regular "yahoo yahoo, maga no need pay kinda boy". He apparently was in a thread that was sent to many people and instead of him to have re-typed his recipients name again, then send the message, he replied to a thread and well...

we all saw it....LOL
gist, gist, gist. lol

God does bring some fun (#gist) along out way, every now and then :)
#thatisall

H

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Man Rules

Ok, someone shared this on my facebook page and I wanted to share it with you guys...this is definitely open for discussion. Discussed this with VS, who is a guy and well he agreed to 80% of them. The only one, I do not agree with is "...not worth the hassle"....Of course Happy Feet disputed basically all of them. She agreed to about 2 or 3...and Pinky was agreed with majority. I'm really interested on hearing what you all have to say...

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ” ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1.. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it WILL be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. ROUND IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

So what did you think?
H

Matchmaking

No 1 matchmaker, me.
LOL.
I love my friends a lot and according to me, I know who's best for them but this is only within the will of God. I'm not saying everyone I say is good for someone, God has approved. All I'm saying is that if I were to be taken seriously, I would not be a part of a union where God is absent.

My friends and I are at the ripe age to think about marriage. As in this is it. We're allowed, we're no longer using Barbie and Ken to imagine it or mum's wedding dress as day dreams. It is time to go into the world and "be found"...ain't no hiding on this p...as we would like to say #insidejoke...sorry.

Recently, I met this guy who I believe is awesome, infact almost, if not a perfect man for my friend. My other friends don't mind the guy but they beg to differ. I even measured the height difference which happens to be a criteria. Well, my friend, Red and this guy, Zoom are always at each others necks when it comes to public discussions (bible-related heated debates). The weirdest thing is I had hooked them up in my mind (oh, this beautiful mind of mine) before they started their 'cat and mouse' attacks...they didn't even know themselves then, and I can bet you they probably haven't realized this. Conversely, with my big mouth, having said talked about me, finding "him" and also sharing it with other friends, she says she knows who I'm talking about. She probably is right about her guess but oh well, I'd like to dwell in my "love doctor genius" state of mind for a bit.

If they hook up, I've told the majority that I called it...LOL

Now I'm telling you all too.

I've attempted to hook up other friends too but...I have somewhat been banned...they claim that I don't have their best interests at heart. Imagine that...

Goodnight lavz
My darl Bubbles, had told me to update so I came by to drop this off...*smooches amigos

H

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